The Dollar Vigilante Zombified Already: Give us your huddled masses yearning to be JABscinated
Moaning, Grumbling, Snarling, Roaring, Hissing, Growling, and Grunting.
Take your pick.
Full disclosure – because you ALWAYS need ALL the facts before making a choice – I’m not talking about sheep shagging or a Covaxxx extremist on an Alex Jones show. (Although both those options would not be wrong)
According to the Zombie Research Society, it's widely accepted that zombies can't speak because their limited brain function doesn't allow for complex thoughts.
Erm… yes… I think that’s become abundantly clear over the past 18 months or so.
They are, however, the living dead, which means technically they can breathe. Which means they can produce sounds.
Quoting a ZRS member, “breathing serves two important functions for zombie survival:
- It substantially slows the speed of decay, by keeping the body tissues somewhat oxygenated, and
- It allows the pre and post rigor zombie to move at greater speeds, approximating human adulatory velocity.”
The Moaning, Grumbling, Snarling, Roaring, Hissing, Growling, and Grunting are just byproducts of a less-than-perfect respiratory system trying to do its job.
Say after me in your best zombie voice:
Follooow the scieeence
Then…
Watch Jeff’s veedeeooo
Then…
Join The Dollaaaaar Vigilaaante
Yeah…
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An insightful guy once said, “The more we do to you, the less you seem to believe we are doing it.”
That guy was Killing-Joe Mengele, who lives on as the Angel of Death doctor who conducted genetic research on human subjects with no regard for the health or safety of the victims.
Now doesn’t that sound familiar?
Grunt if you agree.
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