Jessalyn Dean discusses relationship design and the importance of conversations about different types of relationships. They explore relationship anarchy, challenging hierarchy, and the need for honest, open-minded conversations. The speakers also discuss the role of communication in relationships, finding alternatives to traditional norms, and the significance of sexting in modern dating.
Acknowledge and challenge default rules to create customized relationships.
Regularly evaluate and iterate on the prototype of the desired relationship.
Engage in open and honest discussions about sexual preferences and boundaries to foster consent and fulfillment in intimate relationships.
Deep dives
Recognizing default rules and social norms
The first step in relationship design is acknowledging the default rules and social norms that govern relationships. This includes recognizing macro and micro rules that may exist, such as merging or sharing finances. By understanding these default rules, individuals can begin to question and challenge them to create their own customized relationships.
Creating a prototype and evaluating
After recognizing the default rules, individuals can start creating a prototype of their desired relationship. This involves having open and honest conversations about their wants, needs, and boundaries. As the relationship progresses, regular evaluation and iteration are necessary. This allows individuals to assess the success and satisfaction of the relationship and make any necessary adjustments or revisions.
Navigating micro agreements
Within the prototype, individuals should pay attention to micro agreements that arise in the relationship. These are the smaller, more specific agreements that impact daily interactions and behaviors. It's important to have open communication and negotiation around these micro agreements, understanding that each person may have different preferences and boundaries. By discussing these details and finding common ground, individuals can navigate their relationship more effectively.
Revisiting and adapting the relationship
Relationship design is an ongoing process that requires regular check-ins and discussions. By continuously revisiting the relationship and adapting as necessary, individuals can ensure that their wants, needs, and boundaries are being met. This includes being open to change, as people and circumstances evolve over time. By remaining flexible and responsive, individuals can create relationships that are tailored to their unique preferences and circumstances.
Embracing Relationship Design: A Journey to Better Friendships
Relationship design involves having open and honest conversations to improve the dynamics of our relationships. It is essential to challenge societal norms and discuss the unspoken rules in order to create stronger connections. By reevaluating compatibility, two friends decided to modify their relationship and no longer stay in each other's homes when visiting. They recognized the need for change without damaging their friendship. Furthermore, it is crucial to embrace discomfort when engaging in relationship design and understand that some issues may have been brewing underneath the surface for a while. By setting aside initial reactions and practicing patience, we can foster growth and stronger connections with others.
Designing Intimacy: Pre-Consent and Open Communication
Intimacy design, a subset of relationship design, allows couples to have open and honest conversations about their sexual preferences and boundaries. By engaging in these discussions, couples can establish pre-consent and create a roadmap for sexual experiences. This facilitates consent and builds excitement, as partners have a clear understanding of each other's desires and limits. While some individuals may feel uncomfortable with the idea of discussing sex in advance, it is important to remember that design benefits from authenticity, vulnerability, and honesty. Consent and communication can lead to more fulfilling sexual experiences.
Peter McGraw welcomes Jessalyn Dean into the Solo Studio to discuss Relationship Design. Peter defines relationship design as the process by which two or more people intentionally engage in co-creating a customized relationship, in which all parties agree on the rules and regularly revisit the agreement, revising as necessary.
