153: When You Don’t Believe Your Partner Is Attracted to You
Jan 18, 2023
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Dive into the complex feelings of disbelief regarding attraction in relationships for those in larger bodies. Discover how internal struggles and societal pressures shape self-image and emotional intimacy. Hear personal stories about navigating compliments and the challenges of accepting beauty. Explore practical self-love strategies that promote healthier connections and enhanced self-acceptance. Plus, find out how the community can support one another in the journey toward body positivity!
Many individuals struggle to believe their partners' affirmations of attraction due to internalized societal beauty standards and past experiences.
Effective communication and consistent compliments from partners can significantly enhance feelings of desirability and self-worth.
Recognizing and confronting ingrained societal biases about body image is essential for fostering personal self-acceptance and a positive self-image.
Deep dives
The Struggle with Self-Perception
Individuals often find it difficult to believe their partners when they express attraction, especially in the context of body image issues. This lack of belief is frequently rooted in internalized beliefs about desirability, where past experiences and societal standards fuel feelings of inadequacy. Many people recall instances where their partner's past comments have influenced their perception, leading to persistent fears of unworthiness. As a result, even the most genuine reassurances may not penetrate these negative self-perceptions.
Communication and Its Impact on Relationships
Effective communication between partners is crucial for fostering attraction and self-assurance. Instances where partners provide compliments outside of intimate moments can reinforce feelings of desirability without ulterior motives being suspected. Some individuals reported shifts in their perception of attractiveness after implementing changes in how their partners communicated their affection and attraction. This highlights the significance of trust and understanding in relationships, whereby open dialogue can lead to an enhanced sense of self-worth.
Societal Standards and Their Effects
Societal beauty standards often skew perceptions of attractiveness, presenting narrow definitions that exclude many body types. Individuals may perceive their partners as having preferences shaped by these ideals, causing them to doubt their appeal. The constant exposure to such standards through media can heighten feelings of insecurity, making it challenging to accept compliments from partners. Recognizing this societal bias is essential in addressing discontentment with one's body and fostering a more positive self-image.
The Importance of External Validation
External validation from partners plays an integral role in an individual's self-acceptance journey. Many individuals described feelings of disbelief in their partner's affection when it contradicted their prevailing body image issues, resulting in a persistent struggle between feeling loved and feeling undeserving. Some found that reassurance from supportive partners could help counter deeply held insecurities and facilitate the journey towards self-acceptance. The validation provided through words and actions can significantly influence one’s body image perception and overall confidence.
The Path to Self-Acceptance
Embracing self-acceptance requires confronting and unlearning ingrained societal biases about body image. Many individuals acknowledged the significance of personal work, including therapy, community support, and reflective practices, in fostering a healthier self-view. It is crucial to remember that self-acceptance is a gradual process and may necessitate intentional efforts and supportive relationships. Building a positive self-image often hinges on shifting focus toward personal attributes and qualities beyond mere physical appearance.
This episode is for fat folks who have partners who reassure them that their body is attractive but you just can't seem to believe them or feel it for yourself. Many, many fat folks have experienced this! What could your partner say (if anything) to make you truly believe them? What if your partner has made comments that have sent you ruminating about how they actually prefer thin people? How do we overcome this frustrating feeling? What’s it like for our partners who hear us yuk their yum? All that and more in this episode!
Episode show notes: http://www.fiercefatty.com/153
Come with me to the Dominican Republic: https://trovatrip.com/trip/north-america/dominican-republic/dominican-republic-with-vinny-welsby-jun-2023
3 Reasons Dating, Attraction, and Desire Are Always Political by Hari Ziyad http://racebaitr.com/2015/12/03/whom-we-decide-to-lay-with-and-love-is-political-an-interview-no-fats-no-femmes-director-jamal-t-lewis/ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/279863184_Is_Sexual_Racism_Really_Racism_Distinguishing_Attitudes_Toward_Sexual_Racism_and_Generic_Racism_Among_Gay_and_Bisexual_Men
Fatphobia is not a sexual preference from The Fat Sex Therapist: https://wearyourvoicemag.com/fatphobia-is-not-a-sexual-preference/ Treating My Friends Like Lovers: The Politics of Desirability from Caleb Luna: https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/how-to-be-fat-caleb-luna-sub/ 3 Reasons Dating, Attraction, and Desire Are Always Political by Hari Ziyad: https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/04/attraction-desire-political/ Fatphobia Exists – and It's Especially Bad in the Bedroom by Marie Southard Ospina: https://www.vice.com/en/article/8894bx/plus-size-girls-sex-stories-fatphobia
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