Evidence-Based: A New Harbinger Psychology Podcast

Quick Tips for Therapists: What to Do When Couples Therapy Clients Come into the Session Escalated in Their Negative Cycle

May 8, 2025
Two experienced therapists share essential strategies for handling couples in crisis. They discuss identifying and breaking negative cycles that destroy relationships. The focus is on self-regulation for therapists to foster healthier interactions. Techniques for addressing emotional distress and understanding vulnerabilities are highlighted. The importance of therapist self-care is also emphasized, ensuring effective support for clients. This insightful conversation offers valuable tools for enhancing couples therapy and rebuilding connections.
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ADVICE

Pause and Name the Cycle

  • Press the pause button by explicitly naming the negative cycle and inviting a new interaction.
  • Encourage them to fight for each other and their relationship instead of repeating patterns.
ADVICE

Help Partners Regulate Emotionally

  • Support each partner to regulate their body to escape fight, flight, freeze, or appease mode.
  • Use grounding, deep breathing, or co-regulation like holding hands to calm escalation safely.
ADVICE

Reveal Vulnerability to Connect

  • Once regulated, ask each partner to reveal the vulnerability underlying their escalated behaviors.
  • Vulnerability invites closeness and creates a new corrective emotional experience.
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