Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor, discusses regret minimization, Juice Software, Sheryl Sandberg, negative truths, founders as outliers, Jack Dorsey, and failing colleagues. Topics include loud voices, writing a bestseller, and coaching tech CEOs.
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Quick takeaways
Radical candor emphasizes caring personally and challenging directly for effective feedback.
Creating space for open communication in relationships through practices like daily walks and gratitude journaling.
Implementing Quality of Life Reviews (QLRs) to exchange positive 'glows' and areas for growth 'grows' in personal relationships.
Deep dives
The Importance of Radical Candor and Feedback
The podcast episode delves into the concept of radical candor and the significance of providing and receiving feedback in personal and professional relationships. It emphasizes that people often make the mistake of avoiding crucial conversations in an effort to be nice or not upset others, leading to a lack of open communication. The episode highlights the importance of caring personally while challenging directly, creating a culture where feedback is valued and appreciated. It also addresses the challenges and discomfort that come with soliciting feedback and offers strategies for actively listening and responding to feedback. The podcast underscores the value of rejecting feedback when necessary and explains how it can lead to more honest and productive conversations in the long run.
Creating Space for Feedback in Personal Relationships
The podcast discusses the importance of creating space for feedback in personal relationships, sharing examples from the speaker's own life. It highlights the significance of setting aside time for open conversations with loved ones, such as daily walks or regular date nights, where feedback and discussions can take place. The speaker also mentions the practice of keeping a gratitude journal, initially writing down appreciative thoughts but eventually transitioning to verbalizing them directly to the partner. These practices foster open communication, trust, and growth within the relationship.
Establishing a Feedback Structure: Glows and Grows
The episode introduces the concept of performing quarterly QLRs (Quality of Life Reviews) in personal relationships. The QLR includes sharing three 'glows', positive aspects or actions observed in the partner, and three 'grows', areas for potential improvement. This structured format allows for the constructive exchange of feedback and enables the partners to focus on both appreciating and supporting each other's growth. The QLR is seen as a valuable practice in fostering communication, understanding, and continued personal development within the relationship.
The Importance of Leaving Unimportant Things Unsaid
According to the podcast, one of the best pieces of advice for any relationship, whether personal or professional, is to leave three unimportant things unsaid every day. This concept of radical candor does not involve nitpicking over trivial matters. An example given in the podcast was when the speaker made a comment to an employee about their choice of clothing, which was unnecessary and ended up causing unnecessary discomfort. The key takeaway is that there are certain things that don't matter or shouldn't be said, and it's important to let them go instead of holding onto them for future discussions.
The Power of Speaking Up for Things That Truly Matter
The podcast episode highlights the significance of speaking up about things that truly bother you, especially when it involves someone you care about. An anecdote shared in the episode was about a person who didn't like the sound of their partner clinking a spoon against their teeth while eating cereal. Initially, they chose not to say anything to avoid being pesky, but it continued to bother them until it became a breaking point. The episode suggests that it is important to address the things that truly affect your well-being and relationship, even if they seem irrational or trivial at first.
Guest: Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor: Be a Kickass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity and Radical Respect: How To Work Together Better
After her first management book Radical Candor became a worldwide bestseller, Kim Scott found herself giving talks to all kinds of companies about how they could apply her advice and build a stronger, kinder culture. But then, after one such talk, the CEO — a longtime friend and former coworker — came up to Kim with an asterisk. As a Black woman, she explained, “as soon as I offer anyone even the most compassionate, gentle criticism, I get assigned the ‘angry Black woman’ stereotype.” Kim realized in that moment that her book needed a prequel of sorts, explaining what you need to have before you can create radical candor: “You're not going to care about people who you don't respect,” she says.
In this episode, Kim and Joubin discuss regret minimization, Juice Software, Sheryl Sandberg, saying “um,” moments of connection, Dick Costolo, negative truths, James March, snobbery, Charles Ferguson, Shona Brown, Fred Kofman, Christa Quarles, Jason Rosoff, Andy Grove, founders as outliers, Jack Dorsey, Steve Jobs, glows and grows, the Post Ranch Inn, failing your colleagues, sexual harassment, DEI, and intellectual honesty.
In this episode, we cover:
(01:04) - Loud voices
(03:59) - Writing a bestseller
(07:48) - Why Kim wrote Radical Candor
(14:21) - How to show you care
(18:04) - Coaching tech CEOs
(21:24) - Ruinous empathy and obnoxious aggression