Sex and Psychology Podcast

Episode 395: Why Women Pursue Orgasm Less Than Men

May 9, 2025

Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher and health educator currently pursuing her Ph.D., dives into the intriguing dynamics of sexual pleasure. She discusses why women pursue orgasms less than men, highlighting societal scripts and perceptions of support in relationships. The conversation covers the importance of mutual pleasure and effective communication to bridge the orgasm gap. Carly emphasizes shifting focus from individual goals to collaborative enjoyment, encouraging listeners to navigate their sexual experiences with openness and respect.

33:01

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Episode guests

Carly Wolfer

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Episode notes

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Quick takeaways

The orgasm pursuit gap highlights that women often prioritize their partner's pleasure over their own, resulting in lower orgasm rates.

Effective communication between partners about sexual needs is essential for achieving mutual satisfaction and closing the orgasm gap.

Deep dives

Understanding the Orgasm Gap

The orgasm gap in heterosexual relationships highlights that men typically reach orgasm over 90% of the time, while women achieve orgasm around two-thirds of the time during partnered encounters. This disparity is especially pronounced in heterosexual interactions, as women experience similar orgasm rates to men in self-stimulation or when partnered with other women. Various theories attempt to explain this phenomenon, including biological differences and a lack of partner support; however, recent insights suggest that the problem may lie more in the dynamics of orgasm pursuit between genders. The terms 'orgasm goal pursuit' and 'orgasm pursuit gap' help frame the issue as not solely individual but rather relational, emphasizing how both partners interact and support each other's pleasure.

Intro

2min

Exploring the Orgasm Gap and Women's Pursuit of Pleasure

2min

Bridging the Orgasm Pursuit Gap

9min

Collaborative Pleasure: Rethinking Sexual Responsibility and Communication

5min

Navigating Sexual Communication and Pleasure

10min

Exploring the Orgasm Gap: Casual Encounters vs Long-Term Relationships

5min

In heterosexual relationships, women don’t orgasm as frequently or consistently as men. So why is that? As we’ll explore in today’s show, it’s because there’s an “orgasm pursuit gap.” Sexual scripts lead women to pursue their own orgasms less than men, and to perceive less support from their partners for their own pleasure.

My guest is Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher, relationship scientist, and health educator whose work explores how to create more equitable and pleasurable sexual experiences. She’s currently working on her Ph.D. in Social Psychology at The CUNY Graduate Center.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

What’s wrong with the current way we think about the orgasm gap?
Why do women pursue their own orgasms less than men?
What does healthy pursuit of orgasm look like?
How can you get your partner to support your pleasure?
How do we close the orgasm gap?

You can connect with Carly on LinkedIn to follow her updates.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.