Episode 395: Why Women Pursue Orgasm Less Than Men

16 snips

May 9, 2025

Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher and health educator currently pursuing her Ph.D., dives into the intriguing dynamics of sexual pleasure. She discusses why women pursue orgasms less than men, highlighting societal scripts and perceptions of support in relationships. The conversation covers the importance of mutual pleasure and effective communication to bridge the orgasm gap. Carly emphasizes shifting focus from individual goals to collaborative enjoyment, encouraging listeners to navigate their sexual experiences with openness and respect.

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INSIGHT

Orgasm Pursuit Gap Revealed

Men pursue their own orgasms more, but pursue their partner's orgasms less than women do.
Women feel less partner support for their orgasms, explaining the orgasm gap in heterosexual sex.

INSIGHT

Focus on Pleasure Process

Healthy orgasm pursuit focuses on the process, not just the orgasm outcome.
Expanding pleasure possibilities matters more than pressuring for orgasm success.

ADVICE

Communicate Orgasm Needs

Communicate your orgasm needs verbally or non-verbally to your partner.
Any form of expression increases partner responsiveness and orgasm satisfaction.

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In heterosexual relationships, women don’t orgasm as frequently or consistently as men. So why is that? As we’ll explore in today’s show, it’s because there’s an “orgasm pursuit gap.” Sexual scripts lead women to pursue their own orgasms less than men, and to perceive less support from their partners for their own pleasure.

My guest is Carly Wolfer, a sex researcher, relationship scientist, and health educator whose work explores how to create more equitable and pleasurable sexual experiences. She’s currently working on her Ph.D. in Social Psychology at The CUNY Graduate Center.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

What’s wrong with the current way we think about the orgasm gap?
Why do women pursue their own orgasms less than men?
What does healthy pursuit of orgasm look like?
How can you get your partner to support your pleasure?
How do we close the orgasm gap?

You can connect with Carly on LinkedIn to follow her updates.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors!

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The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.