UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone 449. Coaching Hotline: Obsessing Over Sexual & Romantic Rejections
Dec 16, 2025
Explore the intricate ways our brains link self-worth to others' opinions, especially after breakups. Delve into listener questions about attraction and body image, revealing the importance of reframing self-thoughts. Learn how to stop obsessing over past relationships and the seductive nature of mental fantasies. Gain practical advice on fostering self-worth and cultivating new empowering thoughts. This insightful conversation encourages a journey toward confidence, reminding us that our value is not determined by anyone else's perspective.
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Problem Lives In Your Thoughts
- The partner admitting preference for petite women isn't the real problem; the listener's belief about her own attractiveness is.
- Kara Loewentheil says self-directed beliefs, not partner preferences, drive feelings of being 'settled' or disgusted.
Society Shapes Attraction Standards
- Socialized standards of conventional beauty shape everyone's private preferences, including partners'.
- Kara notes that conventional beauty equals sexual attractiveness in our culture, which fuels these insecurities.
Rachel Weisz Hypothetical
- Kara uses a Rachel Weisz hypothetical to illustrate why a partner's abstract preference doesn't negate current attraction.
- She argues that being attractive and feeling attractive to yourself is what truly matters in relationships.