319: 'My relationship is war.' (What do I do?) (Ft. Jason Lange)

Ever felt like when it comes to your relationship, you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop? Or that when you come home, you don't know what (or who) you're going to get? Or that every moment is, "Are they OK?" "Are they OK?" "Are they OK?"

Reality check: It is not normal to be constantly on guard or anxious in your relationship. That kind of chronic anxiety is highly dysregulating -- and yet it's the "norm" for many of the men with whom we work. Whether they're in sexless marriages, struggle with overwhelming anxiety in dating, or yearn for more closeness with their partners, they're suffering. Are you?

Here we discuss the difference between an unhealthy and healthy love relationship. A healthy love relationship is one in which the relationship GIVES you evergy, rather than draining it from you. Or as we put it, “It’s not a healthy relationship if it requires you to abandon yourself over and over.”

And: “Our relationship should co-regulate us, not dysregulate us.”

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “There’s a sense, if I don’t keep making my partner OK, they won’t make it.”
• “We definitely see the toxic loyalty play out with Nice Guys.”
• “I’ve got to pay attention to survive here.”
• “Being with you in our dynamic is actually causing me self-harm. I’m hurting myself just being in relationship with you.”
• “Most importantly, I feel safe with you.”
• “Your relationship becomes a generator!”

---

Other episodes related to this one:

• Episode 106: What does it mean to 'do the work'?
• Episode 196: Are you a child of neglect?