In this engaging conversation, Dani O'Brien Buckley, a writer and coach, shares her journey through a self-proclaimed midlife crisis while exploring her identity as a polyamorous individual. She reflects on the complexities of transitioning from a 16-year monogamous marriage to embracing non-monogamy. Dani candidly discusses her fears of enmeshment and longing for love, while emphasizing the importance of autonomy and deep connections. Her insights on navigating discomfort and personal growth make for a compelling listen.
Dani emphasizes the importance of navigating the complexities of longing for love while maintaining personal independence in polyamorous relationships.
She reflects on her transformative journey from a monogamous marriage to polyamory, highlighting self-discovery amidst significant emotional upheaval.
Dani advocates for fluidity in relationships, promoting the idea that connections can evolve beyond traditional definitions of romantic or platonic.
Deep dives
Navigating Longing and Partnership
The speaker emphasizes their current journey of living in the confusion and longing for love, highlighting a desire for a passionate, exploratory relationship while maintaining independence. They reflect on the complexities of wanting deep emotional and physical connections without the entanglements of traditional partnership dynamics. This discussion reveals a personal struggle where they express longing for love and fear of enmeshment simultaneously. Through self-reflection, they acknowledge that it’s possible to want a love life filled with romance and intimacy while also needing personal space for growth.
The Transition to Polyamory
The speaker shares their transition from a long-term monogamous marriage to exploring polyamory, emphasizing a journey of self-discovery over the past three years. This shift followed a significant period of upheaval in their personal life, including the loss of a parent and their partner battling cancer. They detail their experience of navigating the complexities of dating in a new non-monogamous context, noting the balancing act of intimacy, connection, and maintaining the essence of their desires. The exploration has not only been about sexual freedom but also about finding emotional depth and intellectual connection.
Struggles with Attachment and Vulnerability
The speaker candidly discusses their struggles with disorganized attachment and the difficulties they face in establishing intimate relationships without the fear of commitment. They explain how their previous relationship dynamics have shaped their perspective on affection and bonding, asserting a desire for multiple connections while grappling with their fear of becoming overly enmeshed with others. Their experiences reveal the complexities of love and intimacy in polyamory, as they seek to embrace both emotional closeness and personal autonomy. The struggle of wanting meaningful connections without the pressure of a conventional partnership underscores their ongoing journey.
Fluidity of Relationships and Community Connections
The speaker emphasizes the importance of fluidity in relationships, advocating for the acceptance of evolving connections rather than rigidly categorizing them as romantic or platonic. They express a strong desire to maintain friendships with former lovers, promoting the idea that connections can adapt and grow rather than face an abrupt end once romantic aspects fade. This reflects a broader belief that relationships should not be fixed, and individuals should be open to redefining their connections as they evolve. The narrative promotes community support and discussions around navigating these complex relationships within the polyamorous framework.
Embracing Vulnerability and Authenticity
The speaker highlights the significance of vulnerability in their personal journey, encouraging others to openly share their experiences and emotions, both in private and public spaces. They find solace in communicating their struggles, whether through writing or social media, and believe that sharing personal challenges can foster connections and help others feel less isolated. This commitment to authenticity underscores the idea that embracing one’s true self, with all its complexities, is vital to navigating love and relationships. Ultimately, the message is one of resilience, urging individuals to pursue their path, even amid uncertainty and discomfort.
Dani strongly identifies as polyamorous and feels that she was born this way. However, she's only been actively exploring and practicing polyamory for a couple of years. She's currently in a self-proclaimed "midlife crisis era" and has been reimagining and reinventing herself after coming out of a 16-year monogamous marriage.
Spoiler alert! Figuring out what we want in life can be really hard! Dani's explored lots of different complex relationships and connections over the last few years and today she's in a place where she is longing to be in love again... At the same time, she has a real fear of enmeshment and getting swept away on the relationship escalator. Dani vulnerably takes us inside her emotional and challenging journey of navigating the discomfort of the unknown as she finds herself.
Dani is a writer, speaker, facilitator, storyteller, coach, business consultant, and the host of the "Another Way" podcast. She believes we all get to create the lives we want and that we don't have to settle or do what anyone else expects of us. And! We don't have to do it alone. To learn more about Dani and all of her work, please check out her website!
