Normalizing Non-Monogamy - Interviews in Polyamory and Swinging

It’s been about two years since we last talked with Rachel on Episode 307 and a LOT has changed… As always, no need to go back and listen to get a ton out of this conversation! Rachel has been non-monogamous for about 15 years and for about the last two years she’s been exploring solo polyamory. For as long as she can remember she’s always wanted to be a parent and a little over a year ago she made the decision to have a child using a donor without having a co-parent… Or, as she calls it: Rogue Mom. In our conversation today Rachel talks about the challenges of being a woman in her thirties watching her biological clock tick down as she tries to build a career and life that society deems adequate for raising kids. However, Rachel's life and career don't need to meet society's expectations and standards because what truly matters is that they meet her own. Rachel takes us through her decision to go rogue and everything she had to go through to make it actually happen. She also shares with us how she’s built an incredible support team around her made up of family, friends, professionals, and her community. This is such a beautiful conversation full of love and joy as Rachel shares her excitement around becoming a Rogue Mom just a few months from when recorded this. There’s even a surprise or two hidden in here! Enjoy! A bit more about Rachel taken straight from her website: Rachel Lark is a writer, composer, and performer known for her incisive and catchy anthems about taboo topics. Lark’s music has been heralded for blending heartfelt lyrics with biting political satire, fearless authenticity, and raunchy wit. She is the creator of Coming Soon: A New Rock Musical which sold out its two week run in San Francisco and earned the highest rating from the San Francisco Chronicle. She was named one of the most powerful LGBTQ voices of San Francisco by SF Magazine and Salon Magazine called her “the poster girl for period sex.” Lark’s work empowers people to chase connection, pleasure and political action by inviting audiences into a shared cathartic experience of mutual recognition and dissatisfaction with the status quo. Her razor-sharp perspective invites anyone (even those with opposing views) to dream up a better world. Please check out all of Rachel’s work on her website and support her on Patreon! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Ryan first started experiencing a cognitive dissonance with regards to relationships pretty much from the beginning of dating in high school. In many ways, relationships just didn’t make sense to him in his twenties so he basically took a break and focused on things he did enjoy rather than trying to force his way into the dating game. At about age 30 Ryan discovered some books and podcasts that introduced him to the idea of non-monogamy and polyamory and the rest is history… He dove right in. Over the last 14 years Ryan has been practicing non-monogamy in various configurations including a quad, a triad, and also being with his partner monogamously as life required at times. Ryan also shares his experience in navigating relationships as someone who realized a few years ago in his late thirties that he’s autistic. As he describes it “It would be easier for me to solve a Rubik’s cube with my feet while blindfolded than to read non-verbal and social cues.” Even though he doesn’t have a medical diagnosis, his realization is helping him find tools that have made a huge difference in his life. This is a wonderful conversation and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

"It's funny... I was monogamous for nine years with a man and now I'm a lesbian and I'm polyamorous... So, life can really take you by surprise." There really isn't a better synopsis than that of what our conversation today with Eileen is about. Her story is incredibly powerful and shares echos of previous interviews we've had with women who thought for so long that they were super straight only to realize that wasn't exactly the case. Eileen digs into her journey of coming out and embracing polyamory in a a confusing world where neither of those "options" are really even options for most young women. A bit more about Eileen from her website: I'm Eileen Hanley, an actor, singer, filmmaker and Aries originally from Portland, Maine and based in New York City. My work uses both comedy and drama to explore the dichotomy of good and evil, focusing on complex, morally grey queer women. I am passionate about telling stories of complicated, deeply flawed people struggling to do the right thing. I like to see people get messy, on screen, onstage, in song, and that is the type of work I like to make. Learn more about Eileen and all of her work including her short film "What Are We?" on her website! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Nyxie did the serial monogamy approach to relationships from the time they started dating until they were in their early twenties. That's when Nyxie realized they didn't necessarily need to be in a relationship to get many of their needs met and so they began exploring solo polyamory. However, it was the early 2000's and the language didn't quite exist yet so Nyxie affectionately refers to this as their "Slut Era." Nyxie's Slut Era lasted until they met their spouse (who was also non-monogamous) about 19 years ago. Early in their relationship they decided together that they wanted to be monogamous for a while. And so they did. Right around the beginning of 2020 they decided their kids were old enough and it was time to open up again... Today, Nyxie and their spouse are both exploring non-monogamy in their own unique ways. Nyxie is currently in a triad, has a submissive, and a "whole galaxy" of play partners. In this wonderful interview Nyxie dives into all the nuances of their relationships, exploring kink, raising a family, and navigating non-monogamy with a spouse who has a completely different approach. Nyxie isn't just passionate about sex, kink, and relationships in their personal life... It's also their life's work! From Nyxie's website: Nyxie Noc is a seasoned and compassionate Domme with decades of experience as a sex worker, fetish content producer, and educator in kink, consent, and advocacy. It has supported conduct and consent teams for various kink and sex-positive organizations and has provided safer-play orientations to over 850 participants, along with personnel orientations to more than 100 staff members within these communities. Nyxie’s work is driven by a passion for the freedom of expression found within kink, and it values the transformative power of every scene and interaction. It is dedicated to creating safer, more inclusive play spaces and fostering supportive communities. Please check out all of Nyxie's work over on their website! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Rowan and Aeryn's relationship began a bit ambiguously about a decade ago and now they've been married for just over four years. They started out as best friends and Aeryn was sort of doing non-monogamy without the labels or framework. By his own admission it wasn't exactly the most ethical approach. As he puts it... "I was not good at monogamy." In this beautiful conversation Rowan and Aeryn take us through the ups, downs, and realities of figuring out love, relationships, parenting, their individual sexualities and genders, and life. It hasn't been easy but about two years ago everything started clicking and they found their stride a bit. They're currently in a triad, Aeryn has a few other partners, and Rowan is dating here and there. This interview is bursting with love! The way these two love and support one another through thick and thin is such an inspiration and we hope you enjoy this chat as much as we did! Oh! And don't forget to check out Aeryn's karaoke chops! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Sarah is back! We last had the pleasure of talking with Sarah back in the beginning of 2022 on Episode 217 and a lot has changed since then... Spoiler alert: Sarah is now a mother! Today, Sarah catches us up on her adventures from the last few years and we dive into her journey into motherhood, how she and her partner navigate dating as new-ish parents, and what her shift towards polyamory has looked like. Sarah is also a writer and coach who's dedicated to helping people have more secure, intimate, and exciting relationships! You can learn more about Sarah and her work on her website: www.monogamish.me Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Kristen's journey is one of perseverance, resilience, curiosity, and self-discovery. She refers to her thirties as her "waking up period" and her forties as her "sexual self-actualization." Now in her fifties, she feels like everything is integrating together... She currently identifies as a relationship anarchist who's excited about, and open to, the infinite possibilities and uncertainty of life. Kristen's story is incredibly powerful and inspiring and we hope you get as much from it as we did! Kristen is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) who works in California. You can find more information about her work as a therapist on her website here and you can learn more about The Non-Monogamy Card Game here! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Sonia is back... Again! Sonia joined us on episodes 193 and 388 with her husband Gabriel and this time she's back with her partner Steven who's joining us for the first time. Don't worry! You won't be lost today if you haven't listened to the previous episodes with Sonia and Gabriel. Sonia and Steven have been together for just over eight years and each of them came to their partnership having explored non-monogamy for quite a few years. This interview is really powerful as they share their individual experiences of building their relationship within the hierarchical dynamic of Sonia's marriage. We loved having the opportunity to talk with them both about the nuances, challenges, and benefits of hierarchy in their partnership. Steven shares his perspective on what it's like for him to be the "secondary" partner as he takes us through the journey that he's been on figuring out what he needs for himself. Similarly, Sonia talks about the realities of priority and hierarchy in her life as she juggles a demanding career and multiple committed partnerships. Together, they share how they've worked their butts off, individually and as a couple, to build a really beautiful and fulfilling relationship... And, it definitely hasn't been easy! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Carrie and Drew have been married about 10 years and are high school sweethearts who grew up in pretty religious families with purity culture heavily influencing them both, and their partnership. A few years ago Carrie found a queer content creator and therapist on Instagram who opened her mind to the possibility of choice for herself for the first time in her life. Around this time, Carrie and Drew did a yes/no/maybe quiz about sex and discovered that they shared an interest in exploring with other people. So, they started talking about it... a lot... and eventually decided to make a profile on a dating app to see if they could make the fantasy a reality. And, they did! Carrie vulnerably takes us through growing up with the pressure and confusion of religion and purity culture and the impact these had on her sexuality and on their relationship. She also shares about the experiences she and Drew had with another couple before ultimately deciding that the amount of energy it took for her to remain regulated while swinging was too much. Carrie and Drew still consider themselves religious and while swinging isn't the best fit for them at the moment, they're still seeking new ways to explore the endless possibilities of sex, pleasure, and intimacy together. Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing

Ayala first read The Ethical Slut in high school and actually started dating non-monogamously from the beginning of her relationship explorations. It wasn't until about a decade later that she intentionally set out to see what monogamy was all about. Today, Ayala identifies as ambiamorous... Content and happy with either monogamy or non-monogamy, depending on the relationship. This interview with Ayala is full of so much wisdom and insight and is just a really lovely conversation about her relationship journey. One of the things we love is when we have the opportunity to talk to therapists about their own relationships and we got to do just that with Ayala! Ayala is a sex and relationship therapist who describes herself on her website much better than we ever could! I’m Ayala Kalisher, a therapist who specializes in helping people access more safety, connection and pleasure in their lives. My approach blends traditional and cutting-edge modalities to help clients navigate stuck patterns, relationships, and personal growth with more ease and authenticity. I believe therapy should be a place where you get to feel seen, supported, and empowered. Whether you’re seeking relief from painful past experiences, struggling in your relationships, or looking for a therapist who isn’t afraid to talk about sex, I welcome you as you are. Oh! Ayala also co-created The Non-Monogamy Card Game, as well! Please head over to Ayala's website to learn more about her work and don't forget to grab a copy of her card game! Enjoy! Check out the full show notes here. Join the most amazing community of open-minded humans on the planet!   Click here to order your very own NNM shirt! $10 Off - Online STI Testing