2311: When What's Good for Me, Isn't Good for Us by Dr. Gwendolyn Seidman with Luvze on Marital Advice
Sep 14, 2024
14:17
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Dr. Gwendolyn Seidman, a relationship expert, dives into the impact of chasing personal goals on our connections with others. She highlights how a single-minded focus can unintentionally erode relationships. By examining our goal-oriented mindsets, Dr. Seidman suggests we can shift towards healthier dynamics. Balancing personal ambitions with relationship needs is crucial for nurturing fulfilling connections. Tune in for insights that can help you refocus your priorities and enhance your partnerships.
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Quick takeaways
Pursuing personal goals can create an implemental mindset that neglects relationship maintenance, leading to a one-sided perspective on partnerships.
Awareness of mindset shifts between deliberative and implemental can help balance personal ambitions with the nurturing of healthy relationships.
Deep dives
The Impact of Goal Mindsets on Relationships
Pursuing personal goals, such as career advancement or fitness, can lead to a mindset that neglects relationship maintenance. When individuals shift from a deliberative mindset—where they weigh pros and cons—into an implemental mindset focused solely on achieving their goals, their perspective on relationships becomes one-sided. For example, individuals in an implemental mindset are likely to view any feedback about their relationships through a biased lens, either overly positive or negative, depending on their general satisfaction within the relationship. This tunnel vision can significantly diminish their capacity to consider and address the nuanced dynamics of their partnerships.
Reduced Motivation to Improve Relationships
The implemental mindset can create a reluctance to pursue relationship-improving actions, as personal goals overshadow relational needs. Individuals who feel satisfied in their relationships may adopt a passive attitude, assuming that their partnership will thrive without effort, while those who are dissatisfied might also refrain from intervention, believing it is fruitless. This lack of motivation persists across various studies, which show that those in an implemental mindset are less forgiving of their partners' behaviors that hinder personal goal achievement. Consequently, the drive to address and improve relational issues significantly declines under the dominance of personal aspirations.
Switching Mindsets for Relationship Health
Research indicates that the effects of mindset are not limited to personal goals; they can also influence how one approaches relationship goals. When individuals consider attaining a relationship-specific goal, they revert to a deliberative mindset, increasing their interest in personal growth and self-improvement. This reciprocal relationship underscores the necessity of being conscious of one’s mindset when interacting with partners, as neglecting to switch from an implemental to a deliberative mindset can lead to relationship deterioration. By actively cultivating awareness of these mindsets, individuals can better balance personal ambitions with the needs of their relationships.
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Episode 2311:
Pursuing personal goals with single-minded focus can lead to an unintended consequence: neglecting your relationships. Dr. Gwendolyn Seidman explains how the mindset we adopt when chasing goals can make us more one-sided, not just about the goal itself, but in how we view and maintain our relationships. By becoming aware of this, we can better balance our personal ambitions with nurturing healthy connections.
"Once you’ve committed to the decision to take the job, you’re no longer weighing the pros and cons, but instead figuring out how to break the news to your current boss."
"The implemental mindset may make you consider everything, not just that goal, in a one-sided manner."
"When pursuing a relationship goal, personal goals are put on the back burner."