OPENHOUSE with Louise Rumball and leading therapists

42 - DATING - The fearful avoidant attachment style, how to communicate without being toxic and how to know if your partner is ever going to change

Jul 4, 2022

33:29

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Explore the often-overlooked fearful avoidant attachment style and its roots in childhood trauma. Discover how this complex dynamic affects adult relationships, sparking a desire for closeness while also instilling fear of intimacy. Learn effective communication strategies to promote understanding and emotional regulation. The discussion emphasizes patience and self-awareness, highlighting the importance of personal growth for both partners. Uncover the delicate balance of vulnerability and trust needed to build healthier connections.

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Quick takeaways

Disorganized attachment arises from inconsistent caregiving, creating fear of intimacy despite a desire for love in adult relationships.

Healing from attachment issues relies on individual self-awareness, while partners must foster communication and respect boundaries for healthier dynamics.

Deep dives

Understanding Disorganized Attachment

Disorganized attachment, also known as fearful avoidant attachment, arises from inconsistent caregiving experiences in early childhood. Individuals with this attachment style often encounter a mix of nurturing and abusive responses from their caregivers, leading to confusion in adult relationships. They experience fear of intimacy when their partners approach, as past experiences have taught them that relationships can hurt, which creates an internal conflict between the desire for closeness and the fear of abandonment. This complex dynamic makes it challenging for both individuals with disorganized attachment and their partners to navigate relationships, as triggers can arise from both distance and closeness.

Intro

4min

Navigating Fearful and Disorganized Attachments

10min

Communicating with Compassion

9min

Evaluating Patience and Growth in Relationships

2min

Understanding Attachment Styles in Relationships

6min

The attachment style - fearful avoidant, also known as ‘disorganized’ is often overlooked. Do you feel like you want to be close to people and want their love, but when you get close, you feel like it is a dangerous space to be in? Maybe you push people away before they can push you away, but deep down want to be and feel loved? Did you experience deeply stressful, neglectful or abusive situations as a child that make you feel that love is not only scary, but sometimes actually dangerous? Do you expect or fear people might hurt you?

If this is you, or it sounds like your partner, this episode is for you.

Louise Rumball & clinical psychologist Dr Tari Mack discuss:

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⇢What is a disorganized attachment style
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⇢How did it form in childhood
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⇢What are disorganized people actually scared of (you might be surprised!)
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⇢What’s the difference between feeling fearful and avoidant in life or dating and actually having a disorganized attachment style?
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Plus, we discuss what happens & what to do when a partner is not working on their attachment style.

Louise asks Dr Tari:
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⇢How patient should you be with someone’s attachment style?
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⇢Is an attachment style enough to break up with someone for?
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⇢What to do if someone’s attachment style is bringing you unhappiness?
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⇢And, ultimately, how conflict can actually bring you closer together if you learn to regulate your attachment style

And more!

Louise also shares her own experiences with a ‘disorganized’ ex boyfriend and how one moment changed the entire relationship.

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Connect with Louise on social: @iamlouiserumball

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Connect with OPENHOUSE: @openhouselife

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Connect with Dr Tari Mack: @drtarimack

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Sign up to join the OPENHOUSE mailing list to receive first access to all workshops, courses and live events: www.thisisopenhouse.com

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Quote OPENHOUSE for your discount on a relationship reading with Dr Tari - https://www.drtarimack.com/

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Music Sources

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Vibe With Me by Joakim Karud http://soundcloud.com/joakimkarud

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Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/-7YDBIGCXsY

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