Episode 314: How To Tell Your Partner You Have An STI
Jul 30, 2024
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Discussing sexually transmitted infections with partners can be daunting. Many individuals find it challenging to disclose their STI status due to stigma and fear. Statistics reveal the prevalence of STIs among the population, highlighting the need for open conversations. Strategies for initiating this sensitive topic are presented, along with insights into emotional factors affecting disclosure. The podcast emphasizes the importance of understanding partner reactions to foster healthy communication and reduce stigma surrounding STIs.
Approximately one in five individuals have an STI in the U.S., emphasizing the need to address STI stigma and awareness.
Disclosing an STI should occur in a safe, private setting before sexual activity, using clear communication to facilitate understanding.
Deep dives
Understanding STI Prevalence and Types
At any given moment, approximately one in five individuals in the United States have a sexually transmitted infection (STI), which is more common than many people realize. Certain infections like herpes are particularly prevalent, with estimates indicating that about one in four women and one in five men are affected. Furthermore, human papillomavirus (HPV) is extremely widespread, as most sexually active people will contract a strain at some point in their lives, with estimates suggesting that one in two individuals currently carry it. These statistics highlight the importance of addressing STI stigma, as they show that STIs are not rare occurrences but rather issues that many people face.
The Challenges of STI Disclosure
The act of disclosing an STI to a partner is fraught with complex emotions and societal stigmas, resulting in about 50% of those infected choosing not to reveal their status. Fear plays a significant role in this decision, as individuals often worry about potential rejection, both socially and sexually, which can stem from past negative experiences of disclosure. Additionally, some people may feel that if they used protection, they do not owe it to a casual partner to disclose their status. This leads to a cycle where both the fear of rejection and the lack of perceived obligation contribute to underreporting and further spread of STIs.
Motivations for Disclosure
When individuals choose to disclose their STI status, several common motivations emerge, primarily centered around concern for their partner's health and well-being. Many people disclose out of love or care, wanting their partner to make informed sexual health decisions. Others may feel a moral obligation to share this information as part of ethical sexual conduct, while some seek affirmation of their identity and desire to combat stigma surrounding STIs. This highlights the dual nature of disclosure—both a personal crossroads for the individual and a significant moment affecting the relationship.
Strategies for Effective Disclosure
Disclosing an STI effectively requires careful consideration of timing and approach; ideally, it should occur before any sexual activity. It's beneficial to choose a private setting that feels safe and comfortable, and preparing to provide information about the STI can help facilitate a constructive conversation. Direct disclosure, while challenging, tends to be the most straightforward method, but framing the conversation by discussing the implications or utilizing casual topics beforehand may help ease tension. Utilizing online dating platforms to disclose STI status upfront can also alleviate the emotional burden of having these discussions repeatedly, allowing for a more transparent dating experience.
A lot of people find it hard to talk to their partners about sex in general. But discussing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) specifically can be even more challenging. It is such a fraught topic that many people who have STIs don’t even tell their partners. That’s why I’ve put together a two-part series for you on STI disclosure. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss how to tell your partner you have an STI. In the next episode, we’re going to explore what to do when your partner tells you they have an STI.
My guest today is Dr. Kayley McMahan, a sexual health scholar and educator. She serves as the Relationship and Sexual Violence Prevention Coordinator at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, where she also teaches an undergraduate Human Sexuality class. Kayley recently co-authored a comprehensive review article in the Journal of Sex Research focused on STI disclosure.
Some of the topics we cover in this episode include:
At any given point in time, how many people have an STI?
How many people who have an STI actually disclose this information?
What are the main reasons people with STIs don’t tell their partners about their status?
When is the right time to tell a partner that you have an STI?
What are some strategies for bringing up the subject of STIs with a partner?
You can find out more about Kayley here and connect with her on LinkedIn here.
Whether you’re just a few dates in or have been together a long time, it’s time to lighten the mood and have fun with your partner by using Paired. Head over to paired.com/justin to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
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