One very bad sign that someone is losing themself in an unhappy relationship, is that they write to me about their partner and how wonderful they are, then tell me all about their partner’s traumatic past -- and then list all the ways their partner is mistreating them. It's as if they don't want me to see the facts. Trauma might be an explanation for someone cheating and stonewalling, but it’s not an excuse and justifying it because the abuser was traumatized could be a way you gaslight yourself. My letter today is from a man who is dating a woman whose trauma wounds are damaging the relationship, and he writes:

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