222: An Honest Conversation About BDSM (Hint: It's Not What I Expected) - Part 1

Like many of you, I've had questions about BDSM for a long time. I've had preconceived ideas of what it was and wondered how it fits into my faith and the style of intimate play my wife and I enjoy.  

I have also received emails and DMS from many of you listeners asking me about BDSM in the context of a faithful Christian marriage. I've been hesitant in doing an episode about this for a long time, until I found the right guest.  

I used to think BDSM was dark and evil--a thinly disguised form of rape, aggression, and violence. I also thought it was antisocial if it was about enjoying inflicting pain on others, in some sort of a sick and twisted way. But then again, even a couple in a "vanilla" missionary position could be doing it with dark and evil intent. While sex in vanilla missionary position or BDSM play can be done in a loving, faithful, beautiful, playful, and deeply erotic way that deepens a couple's connections.

In short, it's not really the act, but the intention behind the act that really matters. 

After listening to this episode, you may want to try some of this couple's suggestions to enhance the joy and intimacy in your marriage.

I met Alan and his lovely wife Leila through a men's group that I belong to. They're a faithful, wonderful, and upstanding couple married for nearly three decades. 

I'm very grateful that they were kind and courageous enough to come on my podcast to share their experience with BDSM. They answered many of my questions and I hope you find this episode really insightful, too.  

Note that this is going to be a two part episode. This is part 1 with part 2 being released next week.

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