398: Holiday Replay: How to Become Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Dec 21, 2023

58:58

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Whether it’s eating healthier, getting exercise, starting a meditation practice or staying socially connected, figuring out what to do to be happy might be simple – but actually doing these things and living in a way that lets us experience happiness is much harder.

When we know there are things we can do that will make us healthier and happier, why do we struggle to actually do them? Why do we get caught in a cycle of chasing happiness instead of choosing joy, even when we know better?

This is what Gretchen Rubin wanted to understand when she began studying happiness and why people form the habits they do.

It turns out that it has everything to do with how we relate to expectations.

Gretchen discovered that there are four different “tendencies” that tell us how different people approach habits and expectations – whether we question expectations, comply with expectations, rebel against expectations or uphold them from within.

We are born with our tendency and there’s no right or wrong way to be, but our ability to pursue happiness and form habits is directly connected to which tendency we’re wired with.

In this episode, Gretchen describes each of the four tendencies in detail and ways to work with your type to go after the life you want. She also talks about habit formation and the different approaches to starting a new habit, so you can figure out which one works best for you!

This is so fascinating and has major implications for how we structure our lives, how we work with each other in business and relationships and so much more!

Listen to discover:

Concrete steps we can take to start boosting our happiness
The "four tendencies" personality framework
The Upholder, The Obliger, The Questioner and The Rebel – four different ways we all respond to inner and outer expectations
How your tendency impacts how you form habits
How to overcome resistance and work with your tendency to be as successful and happy as possible
Misconceptions about happiness and techniques to form better habits

Though it's true that everyone is different in terms of what makes us happy, we're also all different in how we get to the things that make us happy.

When we understand our wiring, we can overcome resistance and set ourselves up to achieve the life we want, in a way that is uniquely ours.

"Our physical experience is always going to color our emotional experience." - Gretchen Rubin

"The key to happiness is relationships." - Gretchen Rubin

"Don't suit other people. Suit yourself." - Gretchen Rubin

"I'm a big believer in the genetic roots of personality." - Gretchen Rubin

"We can work with each other to help us all achieve our aims, but sometimes we have to provide a different way from what would work for us." - Gretchen Rubin

"Your communication style would change once you know this." - Michelle Chalfant

"Happier people are more interested in the problems of the world." - Gretchen Rubin

"You have to take care of yourself. You have to put yourself first." - Michelle Chalfant

"When you're not indulging in a temptation, it goes away." - Gretchen Rubin

LINKS & RESOURCES

Gretchen Rubin Website

https://gretchenrubin.com/

Happier Podcast (Gretchen Rubin podcast)

https://gretchenrubin.com/podcasts/

Gretchen Rubin Books

https://gretchenrubin.com/books/

The Four Tendencies Quiz