Finding Brave 271: How To Recognize and Release The Damaging Shame You Hold
Are your thoughts and actions regularly dictated by a harsh inner critic? Do you find yourself filled with feelings of unworthiness and that you are undeserving of love? If so, you may well be dealing with the symptoms of core shame. Our guest, David Jurasek, knows firsthand the devastating impact shame can have on your life and relationships, and he joins us today to shed light on this urgent topic. Drawing on his 25 years of experience as a mentor and therapist, David's work is defined by his belief that your biggest source of sabotage is driven by core shame. He is the founder of Powerful and Loving, a community helping men and boys become powerful leaders who cultivate thriving relationships. Additionally, he is the author of My Heart Is A Muscle, a book that he wrote with the hopes of moving 500 men in the deepest way possible. In today's conversation, we unpack the concept of core shame, where it tends to stem from, the devastating impact it can have on our lives, and how we can begin to release and heal from it. David opens up about the role that shame played in his life and explains why identifying its root cause is so important. We explore how our shame-based society prevents us from looking inward and the power of healthy relationships and community in helping us heal from shame. Our conversation also investigates the role of shame in our relationships and how we can break patterns of blame and criticism, before exploring how to go about dethroning your inner critic, followed by simple and effective techniques to help you process and let go of shame. Today's episode is filled with profound insights and will give you a newfound understanding of the complexities of shame and its impact. We hope you'll join us for a thought-provoking and empowering conversation on healing from shame and the power of love and community.
Key Highlights From This Episode:
• Unpacking the concept of core shame, the impact of seeing yourself as unworthy or unlovable, and how this influences our lives and behavior. [06:40]
• Why it's so important to understand where your shame comes from and what it's attached to. [12:10]
• David's vulnerable account of how shame impacted him, and how the kindness of a friend, who had confronted his own core shame, altered David's life. [21:23]
• The symptoms of shame, why most people don't realize they are carrying core shame, and why a shame-based society doesn't want us to look internally. [26:13]
• How patriarchal, racist, and capitalist systems have created a shame-based society, and what David has learned from studying healthy communities. [30:17]
• Understanding how shame can show up in relationships; how we project our shame onto loved ones; and what it looks like to unlearn shame and your unique conditioning. [33:40]
• Dethroning your inner critic and how this shifts your perspective; the physiological effects of releasing shame; effective and accessible techniques for letting go of shame. [39:37]
• The nuances of shame and how interrogating it can teach us powerful lessons about our natural gifts. [49:40]
• Find out where you can learn more about David's work and get in touch. [55:47]
For More Information:
Powerful and LovingCritical Love
Links Mentioned in Today's Episode:
Check out David's book My Heart Is A Muscle
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Quotes:
"We all have shame. It's a question of what is your shame about? What is it attached to? What's the label?" — David Jurasek [0:14:28]
"It's really hard to identify it and notice [shame] because it's so internal. It's who you think you are. You don't know your soul. But when you look deep, deep, deep down, you meet your shame. And your shame tries to tell you, this is who you are, trust me." — David Jurasek [0:18:34]
"To un-shame, is to start to name it. And I think often in intimate relationships, it's so easy to project our shame on our partner on our kids." — David Jurasek [0:34:24]
"It's confronting that voice inside and saying, 'Whoa, when did I make you the authority of my life? It must have been when I was a child, because I'm a 46-year-old adult now. You better sit the fuck down.'" — David Jurasek [0:38:48]
"We need support because that shame is so sticky. It's like black tar, gunky stuff, it hides and it sticks." — David Jurasek [0:44:20]
"I'm breaking the chains of the past. I'm healing society by releasing shame from my nervous system. So I don't recreate it. And I don't add to it and don't put it on other people. I think it's the most important thing we could ever do." — David Jurasek [0:45:04]
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