Debbie Reber, Tilt Parenting founder, discusses parenting neurodivergent kids with Janet. They explore challenges faced by parents, reframing judgments, creating nurturing environments, managing subscriptions, supporting differently wired children, and navigating support systems.
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Quick takeaways
Using declarative language can empower neurodivergent kids and improve communication dynamics.
Supporting a child's need for control and understanding trauma effects are crucial in developing effective parenting strategies.
Deep dives
Underlying Needs and Communication Challenges
The child's persistent use of 'stop' to express discomfort in various situations, even daily, raises the parent's concerns about rudeness and the child's well-being. The behavior is linked to a high need for control and threat response, especially common in autistic individuals. To address this, employing declarative language instead of questions can provide autonomy and diffuse confrontational dynamics in communication.
Understanding Behavioral Triggers and Trauma Effects
The child's experiences of trauma, such as parental discipline extremes and changes in living environments, have potentially influenced his communication patterns and emotional reactions. A neuropsych evaluation reveals a profile of higher functioning autism along with ADHD symptoms, emphasizing rigidity, impulsivity, and defensive coping mechanisms in challenging situations. Supporting the child's need for control and understanding trauma effects are crucial in developing effective strategies.
Promoting Connection and Fostering Autonomy
Emphasizing the need for support and connection, the parent can focus on building positive relationships with the child to counteract past negative experiences and cultivate feelings of safety and understanding. Encouraging declarative language, validating the child's emotional responses, and challenging fixed perspectives on behavior are essential steps towards promoting the child's autonomy, well-being, and emotional regulation.
Creating Supportive Environments and Seeking Resources
The parent's awareness and empathy towards the child's underlying needs and trauma history are commendable, reflecting a proactive approach to understanding and addressing challenging behaviors. Utilizing declarative language techniques, enhancing connection through empathy, and exploring available resources within the school system and community for neurodivergent children can contribute to creating supportive environments and fostering positive growth.
Tilt Parenting founder Debbie Reber joins Janet to discuss the unique challenges families face as they learn to understand and support a child with ADHD, autism, learning disabilities, giftedness, processing challenges, twice-exceptionality, or other neurodifferences. While Debbie's advice is especially powerful for parents of neurodivergent kids, her insights will resonate with every parent. As she says, “None of us are parenting the kid that we expected.” Later in this episode, Debbie responds to a note from a parent who is concerned about her son yelling "Stop!" when adults ask him seemingly benign questions. The parent wants to help him be more comfortable in the world but doesn’t know how.