Episode 140: How to Argue (A Relationship Series, Part Three)
Aug 22, 2023
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Discover practical tips for effective communication in relationships, debunking the notion that arguing is a sign of trouble. Learn about the four negative styles of communication and how to counteract them. Understand the importance of appreciating relationships and connections in marriage.
Starting arguments with a positive approach, acknowledging the good in the relationship, reduces the likelihood of destructive conflict.
To counteract contempt in arguments, focus on expressing your own feelings rather than launching personal attacks, fostering understanding and empathy.
Deep dives
Importance of Positive Start in Arguments
When engaging in arguments or disagreements, it is crucial to begin with a positive approach. This means consciously choosing to acknowledge the good in the relationship or the person you are having a disagreement with. By starting with a positive mindset, even in the midst of challenging conversations, it allows for a softer and more productive start to the discussion, reducing the likelihood of destructive conflict.
Expressing Feelings Instead of Contempt
Contempt, one of the four negative communication styles, involves attacking the individual's sense of self. To counteract this, it is recommended to focus on expressing your own feelings rather than launching personal attacks. By using 'I feel' statements to articulate your emotions, you shift the conversation from attacking the other person to expressing how their actions or words have impacted you. This approach fosters understanding and empathy, creating a foundation for constructive dialogue.
Taking Responsibility and Avoiding Defensiveness
Defensiveness often arises when individuals are more focused on justifying their own actions rather than considering the perspective of the other person. To counteract defensiveness, it is important to take responsibility for your part in the conflict. This involves stepping back and imagining how the other person may be right, even if you strongly disagree. By acknowledging your own role in the disagreement and being open to self-reflection, you create a space for growth, understanding, and effective communication.
Welcome to Episode 140 of the Being Human Podcast: How to Argue (A Relationship Series, Part Three)
In this episode - part three of our Relationship Series - Dr. Greg offers some practical and powerful tips to protect against destructive ways of relating in your relationship!
Highlights from the episode:
Is arguing an indication of disaster waiting to happen in a relationship?
Four criteria that predict a high likelihood of divorce;
Specific ways to counteract the four negative styles of communication;
The maturity that is required to address conflict well;
The importance of taking responsibility for one’s emotions while considering the other’s experience;
Self-care as a prerequisite for conflict resolution and reconciliation;
Dr. Greg’s example of how an argument with his wife became a learning experience.
Become a member of the Integrated Life Community to get access to every course Dr. Greg has created, including Built to Last, his relationships course!
Contact us! Have a topic or a question you would like Dr. Greg to address on the podcast? Want to give some feedback about this episode? Email us at beinghuman@catholicpsych.com - we would love to hear from you!
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