Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

ERP 446: Dealing With Betrayal in Relationship & Learning to Forgive — An Interview with Dr. Bruce Chalmer

Oct 15, 2024

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Infidelity—it's a word that can send shockwaves through even the most stable relationships. In our tech-driven world, the boundaries and expectations surrounding loyalty and commitment seem more convoluted than ever. Without clear communication and defined agreements, even the most well-meaning partners can find themselves entangled in misunderstandings and unanticipated crises.

In this episode, we dive deep into the complexity of infidelity within contemporary relationships. We explore the importance of having candid conversations about monogamy and other expectations with your partner, guided by insights from experienced relationship experts. By examining real-life scenarios and discussing therapeutic concepts such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we aim to equip you with practical tools for handling betrayal. Additionally, we delve into the nuanced process of forgiveness, self-compassion, and the potential for growth and transformation that can arise from relationship challenges.

Dr. Bruce Chalmer is a psychologist in Vermont who has been working with couples for over thirty years. Through his teaching, consulting, and books, his ideas have helped thousands of couples and their therapists. Together with his wife Judy Alexander, Dr. Chalmer hosts the podcast "Couples Therapy in Seven Words." His most recent book is "Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again."

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

06:41 Dr. Bruce Chalmer's profound exploration of forgiveness and betrayal in relationships.

10:31 How infidelity's evolving definitions complicate relationship expectations.

13:52 What forgiveness truly means: Accepting reality without condoning actions.

23:29 Three steps to forgiveness.

34:01 Struggles with emotional connection due to trauma.

40:53 How attachment system impacts security and emotional responses.

47:15 Communication issues often indicate deeper underlying conflicts.

49:16 Why only one partner can be upset simultaneously.

55:16 Why assigning good or bad is often misleading.

Mentioned

Betrayal and Forgiveness (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)