Beyond "I'm Sorry": Understanding and Healing Childhood Shame w/ Myla Leinweber

In this conversation, Nina and Myla discuss the complexities of shame in children, particularly focusing on 'spicy' kids who are more sensitive and emotionally intense. They explore how shame manifests in children, the origins of these feelings, and the importance of proactive parenting strategies to help children navigate their emotions. The discussion emphasizes the need for parents to understand their children's unique emotional landscapes and to foster an environment where children feel secure and loved, reducing the impact of shame. In this conversation, Myla Leinweber and Nina explore the complexities of parenting, particularly focusing on the themes of shame and guilt. They discuss how parents can navigate their own feelings of shame when interacting with their children, the importance of genuine apologies, and the distinction between guilt and shame. The conversation also delves into strategies for holding children accountable while minimizing shame, as well as proactive approaches to help children manage feelings of inadequacy. Ultimately, they highlight the unique joys and challenges of parenting 'spicy' kids who feel emotions deeply.

00:00: Navigating Shame in Parenting

02:54: Understanding Spicy Kids

05:57: The Origins and Impact of Shame

08:58: Recognizing Signs of Shame in Children

11:53: Proactive Strategies for Addressing Shame

14:55: Responding to Shame in the Moment

18:01: Building a Foundation Against Shame

22:16: Navigating Parental Shame and Guilt

25:20: The Art of Apologizing and Repairing Relationships

28:53: Understanding Guilt vs. Shame in Parenting

29:19: Holding Children Accountable Without Shame

35:40: Proactively Addressing Shame in Children

41:19: The Joy of Parenting Spicy Kids

Myla is a parent educator who helps parents of spicy kids—those who live close to shame and feel everything in deep, wide ways—parent with confidence and connection. Specializing in young children, Myla uses her signature before/during/after framework to help parents deeply understand their child’s behavior through the lens of temperament, shame, and the nervous system.

With a B.Ed, M.Ed, master’s-level parent coaching certification, and as a Safe and Sound Protocol Provider, Myla is the creator of the Joyful Parenting Collective and the Regulate and Relate program. Her warm, relatable approach focuses on playfulness, enjoying parenting more, seeing behind behavior, and turning down shame in ways that save parents time, energy, and frustration.

Follow her for practical, hopeful tips on Instagram (@joyful.parents) or at www.joyfulparents.ca.

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