The Lessons Couples Learn From Living Apart Together
Feb 11, 2025
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Vicki Larson, a journalist and author, and Ann Turner, a psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, dive into the rising trend of couples choosing to live apart together (LAT). They discuss how this arrangement can enhance mental health and relationship dynamics, particularly among older couples. Personal stories reveal the emotional benefits of maintaining separate homes, while the experts share insights on balancing independence and intimacy. The conversation also explores misconceptions about LAT relationships and how communication plays a crucial role in their success.
The trend of couples choosing to live apart together, particularly older women, highlights a growing preference for independence in relationships.
Living apart together arrangements can enhance mental health and relationship satisfaction by allowing couples to avoid everyday conflicts and appreciate each other anew.
Deep dives
Growth of Living Apart Together (LAT)
The trend of living apart together (LAT) is increasingly popular among couples, particularly those aged 60 and above. Recent data shows a significant rise, with more than 40% increase in married couples choosing to maintain separate residences from 2000 to 2022. This shift is primarily driven by older women who seek independence while still valuing their relationships. LAT arrangements often lead to better mental health outcomes, allowing couples to enjoy their time together without the strains of cohabitation.
Defining LAT Relationships
Living apart together is defined by a committed romantic relationship where partners live in separate spaces. Although some traditional definitions exist, there are variations including couples who occupy different rooms in the same house. The flexibility of LAT allows individuals to craft their unique relationship dynamics, catering to personal preferences and lifestyles. This arrangement creates an opportunity to maintain independence while retaining romantic commitments, which can sometimes be met with skepticism from those accustomed to conventional living situations.
Benefits of LAT Dynamics
Living apart together can enhance relationship satisfaction by allowing partners to focus on the aspects they cherish without everyday irritations. For instance, partners may avoid domestic conflicts such as chores or personal habits that can lead to resentment when living in close quarters. This dynamic allows couples to date each other anew, fostering intimacy and appreciation through intentional interactions. Overall, LAT relationships can reduce hostility and encourage partners to engage with one another more positively.
Challenges of Non-Traditional Relationships
Transitioning to a LAT relationship can come with challenges, particularly when breaking away from traditional norms of cohabitation. Couples need open and thorough discussions to ensure they are on the same page regarding their motives and expectations. They must navigate societal judgments while establishing boundaries that work for their unique situations. For those re-evaluating relationships, LAT arrangements may provide the necessary space to refresh their connection while still being intimately involved.
A growing number of couples who are choosing to live apart together (LAT) seem to think so. These lovers are in a committed relationship but live or sleep separately.
Between 2000 and 2022, the percentage of married couples who decided to live apart grew by more than 40 percent. The trend has been driven mainly by older women.
New research from a U.K. household study found that older couples who decided to live in separate places have better mental health.
With Valentine's Day right around the corner, we discuss what living apart together looks like.