185: More Great Questions from Listeners Like You!

Rhonda and David address five fascinating questions in today’s podcast, including these:

1. “I’m incredibly shy. How do you talk to girls?”
2. How did you get over your fear of vomiting?
3. Do you still use behavioral techniques like Exposure?
4. Should I try to include the E and A of TEAM when trying to crush my negative thoughts on my daily mood log? And how would I do this?
5. Please give us a podcast on how to express anger.

Nandini writes:

I have zero experience dating and talking to girls. I don't know how to even make girl as friend.

Whenever I talk to a girl, the next day I think “How should I talk to her?”

Should I go to her because now she wants me to talk to her?

Which makes me very nervous.

And also. if am talking to a girl I think about when I will have to go to her next time. When I’m doing my work, I think should I go to her, because she works in our office.

Means I don't know how to do that! Can you help?

Rhonda and David respond with some simple advice, but encourage all listeners to use the search function on his website to get lots of great links to helpful material on just about any mental health topic, including flirting, dating, shyness, or just about anything.

In additon, my book, Intimate Connections, could be really helpful to Nandini, as well as my books, When Panic Attacks and The Feeling Good Handbook, that all have extensive sections on anxiety. You can find all of them at my books page (https://feelinggood.com/books/).

In addition, we’ve recently featured several podcasts on shyness and social anxiety, including:

128: Intense Social Anxiety–I’m Losing Control! What Can I Do?

134: Smashing Shyness: Part 1

135: Smashing Shyness: Part 2

169: More on Social Anxiety–the Case for Vulnerability

142: Performance Anxiety: The Story of Rhonda, Part 1

143: Performance Anxiety: The Conclusion

088: Role-Play Techniques —Feared Fantasy Revisited

2. How did you get over your fear of vomiting?

DB,

I know you probably don't remember me because it's been years since we emailed, but you helped me via your Ask The Guru section of your old website years ago and we occasionally emailed back and forth after that. Which reminds me to once again thank you for your books and how you've dedicated your life to your work. It has made a difference in my life and I would imagine literally millions of others. What a wonderful thing.

I stumbled upon an article about you in the Stanford Magazine from 2013 and learned something I didn't know -- you suffered at one time from a fear of vomiting. I've dealt with that since I was a kid. It's not as severe now as it once was, but I'm wondering what CBT methods might be useful for that particular issue. (No chance I'm taking ipecac syrup!).

I know you're busy so I understand if you can't answer, but wanted to reach out anyway.

Thanks in advance,

Steve 

3. Do you still use behavioral techniques?

Dear Dr Burns,

I really appreciate your efforts in this area cognitive behavioral therapy, but your efforts and techniques are so powerful and you use them so efficiently that almost no time you have to use the behavioral part of it as patients seem to be relieved enough with cognitive work.

One thing I am curious about is that if you can't get enough response with cognitive work, and if you have to use the exposure model, and the patient is afraid of exposure because he or she goes into a severe state of anxiety, depersonalization or derealization symptoms and feels like gonna go crazy and lose control, would you still push him or her to the cognitive exposure and are there any risks of it?

Thank you very much.

Jordan 

4. Should I try to include the E and A of TEAM when trying to crush my negative thoughts on my daily mood log? And how would I do this?

Dr. Burns,

It would be impossible for me to heap sufficient praise over you and your podcasts because I've really gained an intangible amount of benefits and continue to learn something actionable from both on a weekly basis. I'm currently finishing Feeling Good Together and am finding the experience transformative.

I wanted to see if I could ask you a question regarding the Daily Mood Log and crushing negative thoughts. I'm completely on board with the notion of fractal psychotherapy and the idea that all of our negative emotions will be captured in a single negative thought and by crushing it, we will feel substantial relief and even euphoria.

I've been using the Daily Mood Log to inconsistent effect. I write down my negative thoughts, identify the distortions and then identify statements to attack that thought that are 100% true. Perhaps I am rushing through the exercise too quickly, as I try to make it a daily habit. But is it possible I'm missing an element?

I've noticed in your live therapy that you allocate a sizable chunk of time to Empathy and Agenda Setting. Is it possible that the E and A in TEAM's absence in my Daily Mood Log is stunting my progress? Is there a way and should I be implementing both into the exercise?

I would appreciate any input you have on this question and I look forward to continuing to listen to the podcast as new episodes come out, along with your new book and App!

Best regards,

Tommy

Dr. Burns,

Thank you! I’d be happy for you to use my first name. I’ll look out for it in the upcoming podcasts. Have a great rest of the week.

Tommy

5. Please give us a podcast on how to express anger!

Hey Dr. Burns, I’m loving the podcast, and my favorite podcasts are the Ask David and Live Treatment ones! Also, I can’t wait for the new app and book!

I did have a question, which I can go into more detail if need be. Specifically, what podcasts and book would you recommend for anger? I’m unsure how to express anger in a productive way (in my relationship), and would love more guidance and practice prior to trying to use the 5 secrets “live”. Thanks in advance!

Thanks for listening today, and thanks for all the kind comments and totally awesome questions!

David and Rhonda