ERP 027: Asking For What You Want & Getting It ~ With Dr. Corey Allen

HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP

These my Empowered Relationship podcast show notes. Be sure to listen to the full episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips.

Dr. Corey Allen and I had a great conversation talking about Asking For What You Want & Getting It.

Dr. Corey Allen is a husband, father, author, speaker, as well as a Marriage and Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor with a Ph.D. in Family Therapy.

"GROWING UP" IN RELATIONSHIP:

• Marriage is designed to help us grown up
• Growth does not have to be a threat
• We can use experiences (good and bad) as a practice ground
• "Get out of the harbor" to gain more skill and mastery
• Dr. David Schnarch and his work for passionate marriages
• Intimacy & Desire book written by Dr. David Schnarch

MIND MAPPING:

• Predicting what your partner is thinking and what they are going to do
• Do you allow yourself to be read?

GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY:

• Know what you want is okay. Practice self-validation
• Work with your fear of asking for what you want
• Asking is half the battle. Our fear is usually worse than reality

HOW ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:

• Know what you want
• Give yourself permission to ask
• Be in the practice of asking

DIFFICULT DYNAMICS WE GET INTO IN A RELATIONSHIP:

• Placating
• Complacency
• Subtle manipulation – we all want things a certain way
• Obligation
• Expectation

MUTUAL RESPONSIBILITY:

• "Call it out." You can dramatically change the dynamic in the relationship
• How important is this to you?
• See varying levels of desire between partners, as merely a difference
• Be honest about what you want
• Be clear about what you want

RECEIVE:

• Be present
• Breathe
• Try to enjoy
• "Let your partner do their job"

SUMMARY:

• Figure out where you get in your own way
• Get out of your own way
• Let your partner do their job, while you do your job
• "Get out of the harbor"

MENTIONED:

• Simple Marriage
• Sexy Marriage Radio
  • Assume your wife is the most spontaneous, adventurous woman on the face on the planet
  • Her job is to say, "no" to anything that she is not interested in
  • When you do hear "no," refer back to number one- 3 Simple Rules For Fantastic Sex (For Men)

Be sure to check out next week's topic, How To Clear Issues With Your Partner.

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