Stephanie Foo, a radio producer and author of "What My Bones Know," shares her journey of navigating loneliness after moving from California to New York. She discusses a fascinating technique called mental subtraction, which encourages imagining life without current joys to cultivate gratitude. The conversation highlights research showing how intentional gratitude practices can improve mood and deepen appreciation for life's simple pleasures, making it an essential tool for emotional resilience, especially during challenging times.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Missing California
Stephanie Foo misses the vibrant colors and nature of California.
She also deeply misses her close friends, who are like family to her.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Mental Subtraction Practice
Try mental subtraction to cultivate gratitude.
Imagine life without something you cherish to appreciate it more.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Stephanie's Mental Subtraction
Stephanie Foo used mental subtraction, imagining life without New York.
She realized she'd miss her husband, his family, her apartment, and Malaysian food.
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In this memoir, Stephanie Foo recounts her life after being diagnosed with complex PTSD, a condition resulting from continuous trauma over years. Despite her professional success as a radio producer, Foo struggled with panic attacks and the lingering effects of physical and verbal abuse, as well as neglect by her parents. The book details her efforts to heal herself by interviewing scientists and psychologists, trying various therapies, and investigating the effects of immigrant trauma in her hometown of San Jose, California, and her birth country, Malaysia. Foo's narrative is both a personal account of trauma and a critical analysis of how societal structures compound individual suffering, offering hope and practical insights for those seeking to heal from similar experiences.
One way to feel more thankful for things is to imagine life without them. We explore a practice shown to help you see the bright side, even when you feel down.
We know gratitude is good for us, but what if we’re struggling to feel it? This week’s guest, author and podcast producer Stephanie Foo, finds herself missing her close-knit “chosen family” in California since moving to New York. Foo tries a practice called mental subtraction, where she imagines her life without New York.
Later, gratitude researcher Ernst Bohlmeijer shares how gratitude practices can reshape our emotions and possibly our whole outlook, and how the Mental Subtraction of Positive Events practice can be antidote to taking things for granted.
Practice:
Take a moment to think about a positive event in your life. It could be a career or educational achievement or a special trip you took.
Imagine yourself back in the time of this event. Think about the circumstances that made it possible.
Ponder on the ways in which this event may never have happened. For example, if you hadn’t learned about a certain job opening at the right moment.
Write down all of the possible events and decisions - large and small - that could have gone differently and prevented this positive event from occurring.
Imagine what your life would be like now if you had not experienced this positive event and all the fruits that came from it.
Remind yourself that this positive event did happen and reflect upon the benefits it has brought you. Allow yourself to feel grateful that things happened as they did.
Stephanie Foo is a radio producer and author of the book What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma.
Learn more about Stephanie and her book: https://www.stephaniefoo.me/ Follow Stephanie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/imontheradio Follow Stephanie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/foofoofoo/ Follow Stephanie on Facebook:https://tinyurl.com/yx6pwdnf
Ernst Bohlmeijer is a psychology professor who studies gratitude at the University of Twente in The Netherlands.Learn more about Ernst and his work: https://tinyurl.com/2p92p6vn
The Science of Happiness 