How To Practice Gratitude When You're Not Feeling Grateful (Encore)
Nov 21, 2024
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Stephanie Foo, a radio producer and author of "What My Bones Know," shares her journey of navigating loneliness after moving from California to New York. She discusses a fascinating technique called mental subtraction, which encourages imagining life without current joys to cultivate gratitude. The conversation highlights research showing how intentional gratitude practices can improve mood and deepen appreciation for life's simple pleasures, making it an essential tool for emotional resilience, especially during challenging times.
The practice of mental subtraction allows individuals to enhance their gratitude by envisioning what life would be like without cherished experiences or people.
Cultivating gratitude not only improves emotional well-being but also offers health benefits such as better sleep and reduced risk of heart disease.
Deep dives
The Challenges of February in New York
February in New York can be particularly harsh due to the extended cold and gray conditions, which can intensify feelings of seasonal affective disorder. The stark contrast between the gloomy winter environment and the vibrant memories of living in California highlights the emotional struggles that arise from such changes. The longing for the warmth, beauty, and companionship found in California amplifies feelings of isolation for those who lack family in their current environment. This emotional impact creates a deep sense of yearning as individuals try to adapt to their surroundings amidst such seasonal challenges.
Mental Subtraction as a Gratitude Tool
The practice of mental subtraction encourages individuals to imagine life without the people or experiences they cherish, helping to foster a greater sense of gratitude. Stephanie Fu utilized this technique to reflect on her life in New York City and the connections she formed, enhancing her appreciation for her surroundings and relationships. By envisioning a life devoid of her partner, friends, and the comforts of her home, she was able to recognize the profound love and joy present in her life despite her previous feelings of discontent. This exercise illustrates how reframing one's perspective can lead to greater emotional well-being and acknowledgment of the positive aspects of daily life.
The Science and Benefits of Gratitude
Research confirms that cultivating gratitude can significantly improve overall mood and lead to several health benefits, such as better sleep and reduced risk of heart disease. A study on varying gratitude practices revealed that individuals engaged in mental subtraction experienced an enhanced appreciation for their lives and relationships. The act of reflecting on what one could potentially lose brings a heightened recognition of their value, countering the tendency to take good things for granted. Ultimately, maintaining a grateful mindset can result in more positive daily experiences and a sustained sense of fulfillment over time.
One way to feel more thankful for things is to imagine life without them. We explore a practice shown to help you see the bright side, even when you feel down.
We know gratitude is good for us, but what if we’re struggling to feel it? This week’s guest, author and podcast producer Stephanie Foo, finds herself missing her close-knit “chosen family” in California since moving to New York. Foo tries a practice called mental subtraction, where she imagines her life without New York.
Later, gratitude researcher Ernst Bohlmeijer shares how gratitude practices can reshape our emotions and possibly our whole outlook, and how the Mental Subtraction of Positive Events practice can be antidote to taking things for granted.
Practice:
Take a moment to think about a positive event in your life. It could be a career or educational achievement or a special trip you took.
Imagine yourself back in the time of this event. Think about the circumstances that made it possible.
Ponder on the ways in which this event may never have happened. For example, if you hadn’t learned about a certain job opening at the right moment.
Write down all of the possible events and decisions - large and small - that could have gone differently and prevented this positive event from occurring.
Imagine what your life would be like now if you had not experienced this positive event and all the fruits that came from it.
Remind yourself that this positive event did happen and reflect upon the benefits it has brought you. Allow yourself to feel grateful that things happened as they did.
Stephanie Foo is a radio producer and author of the book What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma.
Learn more about Stephanie and her book: https://www.stephaniefoo.me/ Follow Stephanie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/imontheradio Follow Stephanie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/foofoofoo/ Follow Stephanie on Facebook:https://tinyurl.com/yx6pwdnf
Ernst Bohlmeijer is a psychology professor who studies gratitude at the University of Twente in The Netherlands.Learn more about Ernst and his work: https://tinyurl.com/2p92p6vn