Explore the concept of epithets in the context of fatherhood and the importance of defining guiding principles for parenting.
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Quick takeaways
Identifying and living by guiding values can help fathers improve their approach to fatherhood.
Defining specific qualities and values for children helps fathers align their parenting efforts and raise them with purpose.
Deep dives
Defining Epithets for Yourself
Marcus Aurelius believed in living by a set of principles expressed in a few words, known as epithets. These words, such as upright, modest, straightforward, and cooperative, served as guiding values for him. The podcast suggests that fathers can benefit from identifying their own epithets as well. By articulating these virtues and striving to live by them, fathers can improve their approach to fatherhood.
Defining Epithets for Your Children
The podcast proposes that fathers should also define epithets for their children. By sitting down with their co-parent, fathers can determine the desired qualities and values they wish to instill in their children. For instance, virtues like kindness, loyalty, morality, and honesty can be considered, along with more specific characteristics like creativity, bilingualism, and a strong work ethic. By clearly defining these epithets, fathers can better align their parenting efforts and ensure they are raising their children with purpose.
Epithets for yourself: Upright. Modest. Straightforward. Sane. Cooperative. Try not to exchange for others.
These were essentially the words he wanted to live by—his principles expressed in the fewest syllables possible. At DailyStoic.com we’ve spent the last couple years talking about how important it is to figure out what these epithets are and to make sure we are living by them.
But here is another way to look at. What if as a father you sat down—ideally with your co-parent—and fleshed out what those words mean for each of your children too? As in what kind of kid are you trying to raise? What are the watchwords that you are attempting to move them towards with your parenting?
Some obvious ones:
Kind.
Loyal.
Moral.
Honest.
And maybe some more specific ones to help them succeed in the world
Creative.
Bilingual.
Hard-working.
A lifelong learner.
Maybe to some dads it’s important for their kids to be athletic. Another, a reader. Others still that their kids live a life of service. There is a lot of room here for choice and most of the answers are right. But if you don’t know what you’re aiming for, how can you expect to hit a target? How do you know you’re not accidentally teaching them to exchange one epithet for another?