185. The Emotional Rollercoaster of Divorce: How to Stop Letting Feelings Drive Your Decisions

One minute you feel strong, clear-headed, and relieved… and the next you’re sobbing in your car wondering if you just destroyed your life. If you feel emotionally unrecognizable during divorce, you are not alone—and you’re not “doing it wrong.”

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian/marketing guru Andrea Rappaport break down the emotional rollercoaster of divorce—why it happens, why it’s normal, and how letting emotions drive decisions can create legal and financial consequences you can’t unwind.

You’ll learn how to adopt emotional neutrality (without becoming emotionless), why realistic expectations protect your sanity, and the exact do’s and don’ts that help you stay grounded—especially when kids and co-parenting are involved.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

1. Why divorce triggers “emotional whiplash” (relief, guilt, rage, panic, regret—sometimes all at once)
2. The difference between feelings vs. facts in divorce decision-making
3. Why emotional highs aren’t the problem—expectations are
4. Why emotional lows don’t mean you’re making the wrong choice
5. What “emotional neutrality” actually means (and why it’s self-preservation)
6. How to ask your attorney for realistic expectations and a Plan B
7. The biggest mistakes people make when they’re activated (and how to avoid them)
8. Practical ways to regulate your nervous system and get off the rollercoaster

(Practical Action Steps)

If you’re in the early stages of divorce—or you’re already activated—here’s what Andrea and Morgan want you to do:

✅ 1) Adopt emotional neutrality

1. “That meeting went well. Okay.”
2. “That meeting didn’t go well. Okay.”
3. Neutrality is not numbness. It means your feelings are not in charge.

✅ 2) Ask for realistic expectations (every time)

When something goes well, ask your attorney:

1. “What’s a realistic expectation from here?”
2. “What if this strategy doesn’t work—what’s our Plan B?”

✅ 3) Don’t make permanent decisions in temporary emotional states

Morgan’s legal rule: if you’re activated, you pause—not react.

✅ 4) Stabilize with routine

Predictable routines regulate your nervous system when your life feels unpredictable.

✅ 5) Write it down—don’t react

Journal the emotion, then bring it to your therapist (not your attorney). Your attorney is your legal guide—not your emotional support system.

✅ 6) Choose ONE safe person

Avoid oversharing with people who escalate you (you know who you are, “Tina from the bar” 😅).

✅ 7) Use tools that reduce conflict

Consider structured communication support through a court-respected co-parenting app like OurFamilyWizard.

What Not to Do (This Can Hurt Your Case)

1. Don’t threaten your spouse (ever)
2. Don’t overshare with people who escalate you
3. Don’t send your attorney a midnight novel (it’s expensive and rarely helps your case)
4. Don’t treat one good meeting/email like it means the whole divorce will be easy
5. Don’t catastrophize one bad development into “I ruined my life”

Mentioned in This Episode

1. OurFamilyWizard (co-parenting communication app)
2. Save 20%: ourfamilywizard.com/not suck 20 (as stated in the episode)

Quote-Worthy Moments

1. “Divorce doesn’t bring one emotion. It brings all of them.”
2. “The high isn’t the problem—expectations are.”
3. “Emotional neutrality is self-preservation.”
4. “The law operates on facts, not your feelings.”
5. “The goal isn’t to stop your emotions—it’s to stop letting your emotions drive decisions.”

Who This Episode Is For

This episode is for you if:

1. You’re newly separated or just starting the divorce process
2. You feel emotionally unrecognizable (high highs + low lows)
3. You’re scared you’re making the wrong decision because you feel unstable
4. You want practical tools to stay calm and protect your case
5. You’re co-parenting or worried about how divorce impacts your kids

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes and does not provide legal advice. Always consult a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction regarding your specific situation.

Find our playlists here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/podcast

Rate our podcast 5 stars here: www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuck

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.

Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorce

Follow Andrea: @theandrearappaport

Follow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago