Life Coaching with Christine Hassler EP 89: Stop Pleasing People with Laura
This episode is about reassurance. Laura is a people pleaser. She goes above and beyond for people and doesn’t get it back in return. She then feels disappointed. I work with her on understanding why she people pleases, why it’s selfish to be a people pleaser, and how to shift out of the pattern.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode89]
You may have heard me say this many times before, but people pleasing is selfish. It’s really all about you. You are the one who doesn’t want to upset people, you want to avoid confrontation, and you are the one who is worried about how people perceive you.
Laura knows how to be loving and giving; she just needs to direct it towards herself. Use this call as a catalyst to look at your own patterns without judgment, and without beating yourself up. The key to personal development is to work on yourself, without thinking anything is wrong with you. No one outside of you can give you the acceptance and love you need.
And, to shift out of a pattern, we have to let go of things from our past. We have to come to peace with the fact that some people in our lives are never going to change. Many people don’t have the tools to change, or they don’t want to change. The older they get, the more their patterns are reinforced.
If you feel like the black sheep of the family, or you don’t fit it, it’s ok. You may be the change maker and the lightworker. You may be the one who is willing to break generational patterns. You can love and accept your biological family but find your soul family.
As Gandhi said, be the change you wish to see in the world.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
● Do you relate to being a people pleaser?
● Can you acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments, but struggle acknowledging yourself for just who you are?
● Do you feel like the black sheep of your family, and sometimes you are afraid to be who you are because you might lose your family’s approval?
Laura’s Question:
Laura feels she goes above and beyond for people, and they don’t return the effort. She wants to know how to break the pattern of being a people pleaser.
Laura’s Key Insights and Ahas:
● People don’t put as much effort into her as she does for them.
● She continues to look for the love and acceptance she wanted from her mother and father in other people.
● She is looking for attention and validation.
● She feels genuine in her job as a social worker.
● Her father never told her he loved her, and she resents him for it.
● She blames herself for what happened to her as a child.
● She is ready to break past patterns.
● She is the lightworker in her family.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
● She should accept her parents didn’t give her the love and acceptance she wanted, and give herself the love, acceptance, and validation she didn’t get when she was little.
● Everything she wants people to say to her, she should say to herself.
● She should accept her position as the lightworker in her family.
Takeaways:
● When you are doing things for others, check in with yourself to see if you are giving without any expectations or attachment to getting something in return. Ask yourself is this giving really coming from love.
● Reverse the golden rule — Do unto yourself as you do unto others.
● Forgive the past. Let it go. and stop expecting people to change.
● Have gratitude and acceptance if you are the black sheep of the family, and find your soul family.
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Resources:
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Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler