YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship with Jodi Carlton, MEd

When Autism Enters the Relationship: How They Built Strategies Instead of Resentment

Nov 12, 2025

Mike and Amy share their journey of unexpected discoveries about neurodiversity after Mike's late autism diagnosis. They discuss early misunderstandings that created tension in their relationship and how they reshaped their communication to reduce resentment. The couple reveals practical strategies, like using humor and visual signals, to connect more effectively. They reflect on the importance of trust and safety during identity shifts, highlighting how laughter and clarity transformed their marriage.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

ANECDOTE

Late Discovery Through Family Pattern

Mike discovered his autism three years ago after years of being treated for depression and struggling with burnout.
Amy and family context (child diagnosis, colleague Laura) helped them recognize patterns they hadn't seen before.

ANECDOTE

Pre-Baby Routine Hid Strain

The couple's pre-baby routines unintentionally matched Mike's need for downtime and special interests, which made the relationship low-conflict.
That balance fell apart after their first baby arrived, exposing overwhelm and mismatch.

INSIGHT

Clinician Blind Spots On Adult Autism

Many clinicians miss adult autism because training focuses on childhood or stereotyped signs like poor eye contact.
That gap leaves adults misdiagnosed and couples confused until they self-educate or find informed sources.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

When autism or ADHD first shows up in a relationship—especially through a late diagnosis—it can feel confusing, overwhelming, or even destabilizing. Many couples begin searching for answers only to find negative, discouraging narratives about neurodiverse partnerships.

In this episode, I talk with Mike and Amy, a couple who discovered as adults that Mike is autistic. Their story is deeply relatable for anyone navigating a new understanding of neurodiversity in themselves or their partner. They share openly about the early misunderstandings, mismatched expectations, and emotional tensions that shaped their marriage—and the strategies they put in place to protect their connection instead of slipping into resentment.

This conversation offers a grounded, human look at what really happens when a diagnosis reframes your entire relationship dynamic.

In this episode, we talk about:

How Mike’s late autism discovery reshaped their understanding of past conflicts
The early signs and communication patterns they didn’t recognize at the time
Why so many couples feel “blindsided” before diagnosis
How masking, missed cues, and emotional differences created tension
What helped them shift from frustration to clarity
The early strategies that made life more workable and reduced resentment
How they built trust and safety while adjusting to a major identity shift

Mike and Amy’s honesty brings so much relief to listeners who feel alone, confused, or stuck in patterns they can’t explain. Their story also sets the foundation for Part 2, where we explore burnout, emotional labor, and more advanced communication tools.

About Mike & Amy

Mike and Amy have been together for 18 years. Mike discovered he is autistic four years ago, which provided language and clarity for years of misunderstandings neither of them knew how to name. Today, Mike advocates for autistic adults through writing and organizational leadership. Amy is a licensed therapist and coach who specializes in supporting autistic adults, their partners, and parents raising neurodivergent children.

📧 Connect with Amy: amatthews@prairiewellness.org
🌐 Learn more: prairiewellness.org

—

About Your Host

I’m Jodi Carlton, a neurodiverse relationship coach with more than 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, educator, and author. I’m also neurodivergent myself, diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. My work is rooted in both clinical expertise and lived experience—19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children. I help neurodiverse couples and families gain clarity, communication skills, and emotional confidence so their relationships can genuinely thrive.

Explore resources, quizzes, and courses: jodicarlton.com
Questions? Contact my team: gethelp@jodicarlton.com