Do you struggle navigating conflict to a successful resolution? Does engaging in conflict leave you running in the other direction? Are you ready for a strategy to master the art of conflict resolution? Conflict is naturally present in our lives, but most people are unaware that conflict can be resolved elegantly. How? David T. S. Wood shares his foolproof conflict resolution strategy in this episode of My Extra Mile.  

You will want to hear this episode if you are interested in...

 

• The three primary responses to conflict
• The house of a thousand mirrors
• Leadership and Self-Deception: Get out of the box
• The importance of the right mindset
• LEADERS: David’s foolproof conflict resolution strategy
• A second acronym for everyday conflict

The three primary responses to conflict

 

“The larger conflicts that we see consuming the world today are simply reflections of the smaller conflicts that consume us each day.” — David

 

David views conflict as something that naturally occurs when you live or spend time with other people. It’s when our wishes, desires, or needs don’t get met or matched with the person that we’re with we spiral into conflict. There are three primary ways that people respond to conflict:

 

• Avoidance: Most people avoid conflict and say, “I’m fine.”
• Aggression: People who are in conflict give in to emotional responses such as anger.
• Resolution: When people seek forgiveness, say “I’m sorry”, etc.

 

David LOVES conflict. Why? Because after it’s resolved, a deeper relationship develops. Our experience with the world is determined by moment-to-moment feelings and interpretations. Humans are story-making machines. We experience the world as we are, and the world treats us in accordance with that—however we show up.

Get out of your box

 

We all have a box that we carry everywhere. When we are closed in our box, we see everyone else as the problem. We treat people as objects (i.e. road rage). We are dehumanizing the person in that situation. Instead, if you’re angry, make an attempt to humanize the other person. How does that help you react differently?

 

When we are in our box, we push other people into their box. They become guarded, closed, and defensive—in a millisecond. We can’t get out of our box by trying to change or cope with others. Running away won’t help. Implementing new skills or changing your behavior won’t help when you’re self-focused. Instead, you have to focus your attention on others.

 

When we’re outside of our box we take personal responsibility. We want to help. We are open, connected, fascinated, and curious. We project a different energy and we feel differently. Connect starts with intention. Are you projecting connection and intention when resolving conflict?

LEADERS: David’s foolproof conflict resolution strategy

 

David termed the acronym LEADERS:

 

• Lead with intention: Conflicts typically occur from a misunderstanding or projection of other anger. So you must lead with intention towards the outcome that you want. If you’re still angry you’re not ready for conflict resolution.
• Explore timing: Is this a good time? If they say “no”, you must respect that. Set a time where you can reconnect. The right thing said at the wrong time is still the wrong thing.
• Ask them to go first: Active listening is powerful. When you actively listen, your opinion CAN be changed by the other person.
• Don’t interrupt: Even if it takes 45 minutes to hear someone’s side of the story, let them say everything that needs to be said.
• Explain your side of the story: Don’t expect anything to change or the person to agree with your side of the story. Understand you may not get an apology. But the intention should be to resolve the conflict for yourself—despite the outcome for the other party.
• Resist the urge to gossip: If you’re whispering to other people intentionally, you’re not resolving the conflict—you’re perpetuating it.
• Stay true to your intentions and stay on high ground. You can ask for help and guidance if you’re doing it to reach a solution without using names and the exact scenario. Always talk about people as if they’re standing next to you.

 

To hear David’s full explanation of his strategy and the stories he shares to drive the point home, listen to the whole episode!

Resources & People Mentioned

 

• Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

 

Connect with David T. S. Wood

 

• Follow David on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/davidtswood
• Follow David on Instagram: @DavidTSWood
• Follow David on Twitter: @DavidTSWood1