UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone 456. Better Boundaries & Instant Obligation Syndrome
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Jan 8, 2026 Discover the concept of Instant Obligation Syndrome, where requests trigger an immediate urge to say yes. Delve into how socialization teaches women to prioritize serving others over their own needs. Kara shares the emotional and relational costs of unwanted compliance, and advocates for establishing boundaries and practicing the power of saying no. Learn to distinguish between genuine desire and obligation, and explore practical steps to reclaim your autonomy while respecting others' choices.
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Instant Obligation Syndrome Defined
- Kara Loewentheil names the automatic feeling of owing people access 'Instant Obligation Syndrome' (iOS).
- iOS makes the default answer to requests effectively 'yes' before you decide what you want.
Roots In Gendered Socialization
- Kara explains iOS comes from socializing people assigned female to see their purpose as serving others.
- That socialization creates a presumption that you must justify saying no.
How Deep Obligation Can Go
- Kara shares that some clients even feel obligated to have sex with strangers, showing how deep iOS can run.
- The example illustrates how the compulsion to avoid perceived rudeness can override clear personal boundaries.