Life Kit Saying No To People-Pleasing
Sep 22, 2020
Natalie Liu, a writer and speaker renowned for her insights on personal growth, dives into the pervasive issue of people-pleasing. She explains the roots of this behavior, often tied to childhood coping mechanisms, and discusses the societal pressures that reinforce it, particularly among women. Listeners gain valuable strategies for setting boundaries, including the concept of a 'soft no.' Liu emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in recognizing personal limits and prioritizing genuine desires over obligations.
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People-Pleasing Defined
- People-pleasing isn't simply being a doormat or a suck-up.
- It involves doing good things, but for the wrong reasons—suppressing your true self for external validation or to avoid negative consequences.
Hidden People-Pleasing
- People-pleasing can manifest as hyper-competence or perfectionism, driven by a need for approval or avoidance of criticism.
- It can lead to over-giving and prioritizing others' needs over one's own.
Socialization and People-Pleasing
- Women are often socialized to be people-pleasers from a young age, particularly through messages about being meek and avoiding aggression.
- Natalie Liu shares her own experience as a Black woman navigating predominantly white spaces and adapting her behavior to fit in.