The podcast dives deep into the emotional rollercoaster of pursuing unavailable partners, revealing the freedom and grief tied to such choices. It highlights how this avoidant behavior stems from past trauma, particularly childhood neglect. The conversation emphasizes the need for genuine connections while navigating the complexities of romantic relationships. Listeners are encouraged to value friendship as the foundation for love and embrace vulnerability, showing how support systems can help in managing intense emotions.
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insights INSIGHT
Avoidance in Relationships
Pursuing unavailable partners is actually a form of avoidance.
The grief from unrequited love can mask the fear of real commitment.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Remy's Story
Remy pursued avoidant partners for years, including one who explicitly stated his disinterest in commitment early on.
Despite having a close friend, Matthias, who loved her, Remy chose to chase unavailable men.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Advice for Remy
Don't rush into living together; maintain separate spaces to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Find additional support, like a therapist or friend, to process your feelings and work through avoidance patterns.
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Published in 1813, 'Pride and Prejudice' is a novel that revolves around the lives of the Bennet family, particularly the second eldest daughter, Elizabeth. The story is set in the early 19th century and explores themes of love, societal expectations, and personal growth. The novel centers on Elizabeth's tumultuous relationship with the wealthy and proud Mr. Darcy, whose initial arrogance and reserve gradually give way to a deeper understanding and mutual respect. Through their interactions, both characters learn to overcome their prejudices and flaws, leading to a transformative journey of self-discovery and redemption. The novel also delves into the societal pressures on women to secure marriages, the importance of family, and the nuances of social hierarchy during the British Regency period[3][4][5].
A Grief Observed
C.S. Lewis
A Grief Observed is a collection of C.S. Lewis's reflections on his experience of bereavement after the death of his wife, Joy Davidman, in 1960. The book explores the processes undergone by the human brain and mind during grief, questioning the nature of grief, faith, and theodicy. Lewis writes candidly about his anger and bewilderment towards God, his struggle to maintain his faith, and the gradual reacceptance of his theories on suffering. The book is compiled from four notebooks Lewis used to vent and explore his grief, offering profound insights into the human experience of loss and the search for meaning in the midst of suffering.
Hardly anyone understands this, but when you spend your life pursuing people who aren’t into you and won’t commit to you – guess who’s the avoidant? You are. Even though you’re devastated when they reject you and you pine away for them after it’s over, there’s something about the way you *know* it can never work out that sets you free to love without reservation. You can love deeply, but keep your options open, and never feel trapped. But you'll always feel grief, which may be wearing like a cozy blanket that keeps the cold wind of actual *choices* in your life away from you. *That* is avoidance. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who has done this for years, but now, the possibility of real love has appeared in her life.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle 
