How can I be a great surrogate for my sister? (Ask The Egg Whisperer)

There is truly no greater gift than giving someone the gift of love and life. When I read this question recently, on Ask The Egg Whisperer, my heart skipped a beat. Oleha wrote in to ask about how she could be a great gestational carrier for her sister. Here’s what she wrote:  “How can I make sure I am a great surrogate carrier for my 33 y/o sister and her husband?  I am a 36-year-old mother of two (both uncomplicated pregnancies, but both required cesarean deliveries).  I have been offering to be a gestational carrier for my sister since she survived a terrible car accident as a teenager.  This summer I again offered to be a gestational carrier for her and her husband and they accepted!  We have completed our psych evaluations and will soon begin the medical bit (sperm and egg collection, embryo creation, and PGA testing). We are hoping to transfer one lucky embryo February or March.  What should I be doing now to help ensure a smooth transfer and a viable pregnancy?  Thank you!”   Here’s what I shared on this episode:  Oleha, your sister is so lucky to have you as a huge support person for her. What you're doing (for those of you who don't know) is called compassionate surrogacy. That’s when you work with a family member to help you grow your family. You're literally giving your sister the gift of life. So I can't imagine anything more rewarding that you can give your sister.    To answer your question, as far as what things you can do to give yourself the highest chance of a successful transfer, I would say number one:  Look at your lifestyle and make sure you're as healthy as possible. I'm sure you're already doing this but start your prenatals now.   I imagine your doctor already did a preconception panel, looking at things like vitamin D for example, your thyroid, and that they've probably looked to make sure that all your levels are optimized. Be sure you’re getting plenty of sleep.  If you want to be really picky, you can look at the environmental toxins in your life and see what you can do to reduce  exposure.   Make sure that your doctor also has on their checklist: doing a saline infusion sonogram. And then at the end of the day, when you know you’ve done all that you can, you’ve just got to say “let it go.”    It’s also a great time to find a therapist who can support you, as you support your sister and her husband. At the end of the day, you're dealing with your sister's biology and DNA. And we know that when we're using someone else's DNA, things may not necessarily work out the first time. And that's just part of being human. I imagine that you and your sister already have a super tight bond and if an embryo didn't implant, you guys will get through it just like you've gotten through everything else in your life together. I would recommend having a heart to heart with her about how you're going to handle bad news so that it doesn't affect your strong bond. that I think does having that heart to heart with her about how you're going to handle different results and how that's going to make you feel and to make sure that it's not going to affect your relationship.   There are also some other things that I recommend for anyone embarking on the compassionate surrogacy path, and I share the rest of those thoughts on the podcast episode, today. You can find the link in my profile. Be sure and look for episode #301 with the title “How can I be a great surrogate for my sister?”  

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