332: Ever gone into freeze? Here’s what’s actually going on. (ft. Stacy Matulis)
Oct 25, 2024
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Stacy Matulis, Founder of Alchemy Somatics and a somatic healer specializing in trauma integration, shares insights on navigating the freeze response in relationships. She explains how feeling anxious or shutting down during interactions stems from nervous system overwhelm. Stacy discusses the vital role of emotional connection in healing trauma and emphasizes the importance of processing feelings gradually. Listeners learn how early experiences shape adulthood and discover transformative practices for overcoming emotional barriers.
The freeze response, often resulting from unmet emotional needs in childhood, can hinder adults from forming intimate connections and navigating relationships effectively.
Transformation is essential for personal growth, requiring individuals to confront and release outdated versions of themselves to embrace authenticity.
Healing from trauma is facilitated through the presence of supportive allies, creating a safe space for emotional processing and integration.
Deep dives
The Impact of Attention on Development
Real attuned attention from caregivers is crucial for healthy emotional development. Adults who are preoccupied or emotionally unresponsive can create feelings of neglect in children, leading them to feel as though their needs are unimportant. This lack of safety in childhood settings can lead to the development of defense mechanisms such as freezing, where children learn to suppress their feelings to avoid further emotional dysregulation in adults. It is vital for children to receive genuine attention, not merely the physical presence of caregivers, to foster a secure attachment and stable emotional growth.
The Process of Letting Go and Transformation
The concept of transformation, often symbolized by the Tarot card of death, is discussed as essential to personal growth. Letting go of outdated aspects of ourselves can be challenging, yet it is necessary for new growth and authenticity to emerge. The speaker encourages listeners to confront parts of themselves that may be holding them back, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and releasing these aspects. This transformative journey requires patience and becomes a means for individuals to embrace their true selves and experiences.
Accompaniment and Healing
The role of accompaniment in healing is stressed as necessary for processing trauma and creating emotional safety. Having someone present with a regulated nervous system can create a safe space for a person to confront and process their feelings, facilitating a release from their frozen states. This dynamic helps individuals learn to navigate their emotions and needs, transforming their experiences into opportunities for growth. Healing allies — whether therapists, coaches, or trusted friends — provide the supportive environment needed to foster this healing process.
Understanding and Overcoming Freeze Responses
The phenomenon of freezing is explored as a survival strategy rooted in childhood experiences where emotional needs remain unmet. This coping mechanism can lead to feelings of being stuck when faced with situations where one desires connection or intimacy yet instead feels paralyzed. Understanding where these responses stem from enables individuals to move towards healing and integration, allowing them to reclaim agency in their lives. Education about the body's automatic responses to stimuli is crucial for developing resilience and achieving emotional regulation.
The Journey of Self-Discovery and Relief
The transformative journey towards healing is depicted as a process of gradual discovery and relief. Past experiences of distress can make it challenging for individuals to connect with their true selves, often leading to feelings of depression or suicidal thoughts. As trauma is processed and integrated through various healing modalities, a person can reconnect with their essence, resulting in a renewed sense of purpose and vitality. Ultimately, gaining insight into one’s own life force fuels a journey toward well-being and encourages the pursuit of emotional health.
If you've ever felt anxious around a woman you were attracted to, gone rigid when you tried to flirt, or completely shut down during a fight with your partner, you know what it is to go into freeze.
When we're overwhelmed, we can lock up. This is inconvenient if what you really want to do in that moment is to move, get someone's number, or speak up for yourself during a moment of tension with your spouse or in a meeting at work.
Where does this behavior come from? Why did it develop? What do we do about it that actually works?
Here, somatic practitioner and expert Stacy Matulis breaks down what's actually going on in your nervous system when you freeze, and what to do about it. (Hint: No one is an island, and we need others. We are interdependent.)
We also cover the difference between freeze and disassociation, depression and suicidality, and why it can feel like even after years of doing the work, you're still stuck in some ways.
Going into a freeze state will absolutely impact your sex, dating and relationship life. Fortunately, there's a way through.
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Work with us
Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:
DM 196: The “invisible” relationship pattern that can affect everything (childhood neglect)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:
“I felt neutered as a human.”
“When we grew up without safe others, we can learn that there are no safe others.”
“What would bring me into a life that I wanted to live?”
“Attunement is just as much an essential need as food and shelter is.”
“Your feelings and needs are all right with me.”
“A traumatized brain is programmed to look for the problem, and stay focused on the difficult energy.”
“Who I am makes love go away.”
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