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Modern Wisdom
#420 - Charlie Houpert - How To Build Genuine Charisma And Confidence
Jan 10, 2022
01:46:41
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Quick takeaways
- Setting the vibe higher than necessary is a key principle in charismatic communication, creating a stronger and more engaging conversation.
- Adding playfulness and creativity to responses can make conversations more memorable and enjoyable for everyone involved.
- Flirting, even in a non-romantic sense, can enhance conversational skills and create a lighthearted vibe.
- Overcoming shyness involves gradually exposing oneself to social situations, practicing speaking up, and expanding comfort zones.
- Balancing deliberate practice and being present in conversations is crucial for learning communication skills.
- Embracing the tension between intentional learning and being fully present is necessary for growth.
Deep dives
Setting the Vibe Higher
One key principle in charismatic communication is to set the vibe higher than necessary. When asked how you're doing, respond with enthusiasm and positivity to create a stronger and more engaging conversation.
Answer Questions Creatively
Instead of taking questions literally, take the opportunity to give creative and playful responses. This adds flair and fun to the conversation, making it more memorable and enjoyable for everyone involved.
Flirt with Conversations
Flirting, in a non-romantic sense, can be a great tool to enhance your conversational skills. Playfully interact with others, use cheeky or witty remarks, and maintain a flirtatious and light-hearted vibe.
Overcoming Shyness
To overcome shyness, gradually expose yourself to social situations and practice speaking up. Start by adding an extra sentence or comment in simple interactions, build the habit of finishing your thoughts before yielding the floor, and gradually expand your comfort zone.
Balancing Deliberate Practice and Flow
Learning communication skills requires a balance between deliberate practice and being present in the flow of conversation. Focus on one specific aspect at a time while remaining engaged in the interaction, allowing for deliberate growth and improvement.
Embrace the Tension
Although it may feel uncomfortable at times, embrace the tension between intentionally learning communication skills and being fully present in the conversation. This tension is necessary for deliberate growth and development.
Need for Progressive Exposure
To overcome shyness and improve communication skills, progressively expose yourself to more social situations. Gradually challenge yourself to speak up, share your thoughts, and engage in more conversations, expanding your comfort zone over time.
Rebuilding Communication Skills
Similar to Tiger Woods rebuilding his golf swing, sometimes you need to intentionally rebuild your communication skills from scratch to improve. This may require taking a step back and relearning certain aspects to achieve greater effectiveness in communication.
Authenticity in Communication
Embrace authenticity in your communication by developing strong but loosely held opinions, being non-judgmental in conversations, and maintaining a playful and curious attitude even in the face of opposing ideas.
Courage as a Muscle
Developing communication skills and overcoming shyness requires courage, which is a muscle that can be strengthened over time through deliberate practice and gradually pushing oneself out of their comfort zone.
Start Small, Focus on One Thing
To develop charisma, focus on one small aspect of communication at a time. Set goals to improve specific areas such as finishing sentences assertively, maintaining eye contact, or actively listening, gradually building a repertoire of confident and engaging communication skills.
Progressive Exposure Therapy
Gradually expose yourself to social situations and practice deliberate engagement in conversations. Start with small steps such as adding an extra sentence or comment, and progressively challenge yourself to be more assertive and engaged in a variety of social settings.
Embrace Fun and Playfulness
Infuse fun and playfulness into your conversations by using humor, cheeky remarks, and a flirtatious attitude. This adds energy, creates a lighthearted vibe, and makes interactions more enjoyable for everyone.
Authenticity and Vulnerability
Embrace vulnerability and authenticity in communication by being genuine, sharing your thoughts sincerely, and being open to different perspectives. This fosters trust, connection, and deeper conversations with others.
Avoid Taking Questions Literally
Refine your conversational skills by avoiding taking questions too literally. Instead, playfully respond and offer creative answers, adding a touch of humor and intrigue to the conversation.
Flirting with the Entire World
Develop flirtatiousness as a communication skill by engaging playfully with others, offering compliments, and creating a light-hearted vibe. Flirting helps build connections and enhances the overall charisma of your interactions.
Lower the Filter of Acceptability
Shy individuals can improve their communication skills by lowering the filter of what they consider acceptable to say. Instead of holding back, focus on adding one extra sentence or comment that shows your personality and interests.
Courageously Speak Up
Overcome shyness by developing the courage to speak up and share your thoughts. Practice finishing your sentences assertively, and do not yield the floor until you have completed your point.
Progressive Exposure for Shyness
Gradually expose yourself to more social situations and conversations to overcome shyness. Start with small steps, such as adding an extra sentence or speaking up in group discussions, gradually expanding your comfort zone.
Navigating Tension Between Deliberate Practice and Presence
Finding a balance between deliberate practice and being present in the flow of conversation is key. Deliberate practice allows for intentional learning, while staying engaged ensures authentic and natural interactions.
Developing Communication Habits
Focus on developing positive communication habits, such as finishing sentences assertively, maintaining eye contact, and actively listening. Over time, these habits enhance communication skills and increase charisma.
Building the Courage Muscle
Strengthen your courage muscle by deliberately engaging in challenging social situations. Gradually step out of your comfort zone, speak up, and practice courageous communication to build confidence.
Rebuilding Communication from Scratch
Sometimes intentionally rebuilding communication skills is necessary for growth. Similar to Tiger Woods rebuilding his golf swing, taking a step back, relearning, and improving specific aspects can lead to greater effectiveness in communication.
Authenticity in Challenging Conversations
Maintaining authenticity in challenging conversations requires an open and curious attitude, as well as the ability to engage in dialogue without judgment. This fosters understanding, connection, and meaningful conversations.
Starting with Small Steps
Begin improving your communication skills with small steps, focusing on one aspect at a time. Set achievable goals, gradually expanding your comfort zone and building a repertoire of effective communication strategies.
Gradual Exposure and Engagement
Gradually expose yourself to social situations, events, and conversations, and actively engage in them. Each step builds confidence, helping to overcome shyness and improve communication skills.
The power of MDMA therapy and its impact on the speaker's family dynamics
The speaker shares their personal experience with MDMA therapy and how it significantly impacted their family dynamics. After trying various psychedelics, the speaker found MDMA to be the most effective in helping them connect with and address their traumas. They encouraged their family members to try it as well, and after witnessing the positive changes in the speaker's life, their dad agreed. The entire family took MDMA together, which allowed them to address unresolved issues and establish healthier relationships. The speaker reflects on their fears of disappointing their siblings and the cathartic release of finally being honest with their parents. Overall, the experience brought them a sense of purpose and relief, leading them to prioritize self-growth and spirituality over material pursuits.
The unrealistic nature of chasing happiness through attainment
The speaker discusses the common societal notion of achieving happiness through external accomplishments. Drawing on personal experiences and insights, the speaker emphasizes that no amount of success or goal achievement can bring lasting fulfillment. They describe the endless cycle of anticipation and disappointment that arises when constantly striving for more. Through self-reflection and psychedelic exploration, the speaker has come to understand that true joy lies in appreciating reality as it is, rather than constantly chasing an idealized version of it. They question the pursuit of external validation and highlight the importance of finding contentment in the present moment.
The human tendency to set unattainable standards
The speaker delves into the human inclination to set unattainable standards in various areas of life, such as relationships, wealth, and charisma. They discuss how our desires and expectations often outpace reality, leading to perpetual dissatisfaction. The speaker shares personal anecdotes about their experiences with open relationships and the pursuit of charisma, ultimately realizing that the fulfillment they sought could not be obtained externally. They highlight the importance of questioning these societal narratives and learning to appreciate the imperfections and joys of reality.
The cycle of anticipation and the realization of unmet desires
The speaker explores the psychological phenomenon of anticipation and how it often leads to unmet desires and eventual disappointment. They share a study revealing that the most enjoyable part of an event is often the anticipation leading up to it, not the event itself. Building on this, the speaker examines how human nature continually creates a gap between expectation and reality, resulting in feelings of dissatisfaction. They stress the importance of recognizing this pattern and actively learning to find contentment in the present moment, rather than perpetually yearning for future experiences.
Charlie Houpert is the Founder of Charisma on Command, a podcaster and a YouTuber.
Most people wish that they were better communicators. More engaging, more confident, and more charming. Charlie runs the biggest charisma channel on YouTube, Charisma on Command, with more than 5 million subscribers and has taught thousands of people how to be more attractive and compelling in their communication.
Expect to learn the 5 archetypes of charismatic communication, how to greet someone with genuine energy, how to overcome being shy, the principles of communicating attractively to women, how to be better at small talk, how to add more humour into your conversations, why Charlie got his entire family to take MDMA, who Charlie thinks is the most charming communicator on the planet and much more...
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