155: How to get your child to listen to you

Recently someone posted a question in one of my communities: “Is it really so wrong to want my child to just LISTEN to me sometimes?  It seems like such a no-no in gentle parenting circles, and I’m worried that my child is growing up to be entitled and won’t know how to respect authority when they really HAVE to.” Parent Chrystal gave such a beautiful and eloquent response to this question that I asked her to come back on the show (her first visit was last year) to talk us through how she approaches getting her (three!  spirited!) children to listen to her…and what tools she uses instead.And this doesn’t end up creating entitled children who refuse to cooperate with any authority figure; in fact, her most spirited child was called a “conscientious and rule-abiding upstanding model student” by her teacher (which just about made Chrystal laugh out loud). Chrystal has been on this respectful parenting journey for a while now, but I learned during this interview that she first interacted with me in the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop, where she started transforming a lot of the battles she was having with her children into a collaborative, cooperative relationship.   Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits If you want to make your own transformation from a relationship where your child JUST DOESN’T LISTEN to one where you have mutual care and respect for each other’s needs, then the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. It’s available in two different forms:

• Mid-May to Mid-March each year: Take the course at your own pace
• Mid-March to Mid-May each year: Sign up and take the course with my support in early May!

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Jump to highlights

02:37 Reasons we get triggered when our child isn’t listening to us. 03:38 An open invitation to join the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. 04:50 Chrystal's manifestation that her parenting is effective. 06:06 Saying NO to our child isn’t necessarily the right answer. 06:57 Challenges that Chrystal had as someone who was brought up in a religious family. 07:58 At a young age, Chrystal was responsible for the needs of her mother and siblings. 09:58 How resilience will play a big role in our children. 10:50 Impacts on our child for having a lot of control and compliance. 11:20 Chrystal’s transition from being controlled to having freedom and autonomy. 12:26 As a result of having a strong-willed children, Chrystal experiences a lot pushback and challenges. 15:08 When to set limits and boundaries to our children. 18:04 Ways to navigate our younger child when we need to take a pause in a situation. 19:07 The difference between setting limits and boundaries. 21:15 The importance of respectful parenting. 23:09 Using body cues instead of saying NO. 25:30 Introduction to Problem Solving Conversation: Nonjudgmental Observation 26:33 Finding solutions that is grounded in meeting our needs, and the needs of our children as well. 31:02 Our children's resistance creates a "US VS. THEM" scenario. 36:39 The unique needs of having multiple children. 37:47 The lessons that Chrystal learned from the book called Siblings Without Rivalry. 41:58 White presenting child plays a big role in changing the systems. 45:38 Chrystal’s children showing their amazing empathy and respect for one another.