The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast OC106 - How To Handle Birthday Issues - Interview with Dr Donna Marks
OC106 Dr Donna Marks - One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure
Hey Friend, thanks for hanging out with me today!
Just wanted to share an interesting conversation I had from our Saturday online meeting. One of the participants was sharing how sad she was that nobody in her family did anything to celebrate her birthday. The thoughts that came to her were “It’s just another day, nobody cares”.
I’ve heard this over and over again. The expectation, the disappointment and then the negative self talk about what the experience means.
Here is what I suggested to her: Tell people what you’d like to do for your birthday. A dinner? A party? Do you just want a card and flowers or a full blown gala? Here’s the truth. We teach people how to treat us. The people around us are not mind readers, so how about we just tell them what we want!?
Years ago, I decided that if I want to have a party, I was going to have to throw it myself, despite having a husband and girlfriends who technically COULD throw one for me. I just had been disappointed too many times so I decided to take matters into my own hands and I ended up having a potluck not once, but TWICE a year! One on my recovery milestone, and one on my birthday.
What I can tell you is over the last 25 years that I started doing this, I’ve had a TON of people over to the house, we’ve had many many group pictures, tons of memories and so much fun!
On the surface it might seem like a trivial issue, but what I’ve noticed is that those who have a resistance to celebrating, or even acknowledging their birthdays typically have deep seated self esteem issues.
There are tons of self esteem resources online, and I’ll actually be announcing a self esteem class starting in April, so check the SoberLifeSchool.com website for details.
One of the reasons I heard for not celebrating a birthday was the sadness around getting older, which honestly is a tough one for women. But what I would like to submit for your consideration is that you have been through a LOT over the last year, haven’t you?
You have faced challenges, you do the best you can, you’ve grown and evolved, and you’re still here! You didn’t give up. In my humble opinion, that deserves, at the very minimum, a little acknowledgement. Or a lot. I prefer a lot, but that’s just me.
Anyway, birthdays come around every year, so why not decide now how you want to feel and own your experience? If this helped you to see things differently and you’ve decided to do something different this year, please let me know by posting a comment on the ODAAT Chat Facebook page! There’s a link to it in the show notes on the website at odaatchat.com :)
So back to today’s episode, Dr Marks. We talk about what the one addiction is and I thought it was going to be about the addiction to distraction, but she had a unique take on it, and as soon as she said it, I thought, yep...bullseye! She also shares why most treatments fail and what to do instead. Its a wide ranging conversation, we cover a lot of ground so I hope you take away something that will help you in your own recovery. That’s kinda the whole point, right?? So with that, please enjoy (and share!) this episode, with Dr Donna Marks.