Amanda Doyle Stops Keeping Score And Stays In The Moment

Mar 13, 2024

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It’s the start of a new series, For The Love of Wonderful You! Spring is arriving and as the winter slumber fades away, many of us are likely plunging into a frantic pace of commitments and To Do lists. But we want to take a minute (or approximately 45-mins to an hour) to create a moment where we can punch the brakes a little. Let’s tell that inner taskmaster to relax; and instead, reflect on finding value in who we are in this moment, and how worthy we are just as we are.

Jen’s amazing conversation partner today is Amanda Doyle. Amanda is many amazing things but you may know her first and foremost as “Sister” on the We Can Do Hard Things Podcast with Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach. She’s also part of the leadership team at Together Rising, the amazing non-profit that has raised over $50 million dollars and given it away to people all over the world who need it most. Amanda has been a longtime social justice advocate and she uses that knowledge to break down deep truths and complex social issues in all her conversations. Today, she reminds us that spending the energy to stay vulnerable in our relationships will always pay out.

In this episode Jen and Amanda talk about:

The struggle to be vulnerable and truly open up versus managing perceptions and staying in control in relationships
How Amanda chose sobriety and the surprising clarity that emerged in her marriage, especially during the pandemic
Jen’s journey to understanding herself and her avoidant tendencies in the aftermath of her divorce
The profound impact of the "love letter" exercise guided by Liz Gilbert, where “Love's voice” urged Amanda to stop keeping score in life

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Thought-Provoking Quotes:

“A relationship has to have some equilibrium. The farther you go this way, the more the other person has to go the other way. What I have learned is that no one wants to be in those places.” - Amanda Doyle

"What I have recently realized is that many people who either view themselves or are viewed in their relationships as control freaks; actually what they want the most is to not be in control of everything. They feel like they have to be in control of everything, because that is the way that they show their love is by taking care of things. But what they want more than anything else is for someone to step up and be like, 'I got this, I got you. You don't have to be in control of this.'" - Amanda Doyle

“You are so fixated on the score of this life, but there is no score except the one in your head. You are exhausting yourself to death, trying to keep a score and figure out where you've won, and figure out where other people have disappointed you and slighted you and not met your expectations. But the score is fiction. We're not being scored." - Amanda Doyle

“We think when we're giving up alcohol, we're giving up fun. And that's with good reason. It's like fully marketed--growing up, it's part of the narrative; anything that is fun also includes alcohol. But then I had the enormous blessing of being so close to Abby and Glennon's life and seeing that they were the most fun people with the most delightful, satisfying lives of anyone else I know. And none of that included alcohol." - Amanda Doyle

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle

For the Love Podcast Episode ft. Glennon Doyle

For the Love Podcast Episode ft. Abby Wambach

For the Love Podcast Enneagram Threes Episode ft. Lisa Whelchel

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

We Can Do Hard Thing Episode ft. Liz Gilbert

Letters From Love with Liz Gilbert (Substack)

For the Love Podcast Episode ft. Sarah Bessey

Guest’s Links:

Together Rising Website

Amanda’s Twitter