Finding Brave 314: You Are Not Your Trauma: How You Can Heal Your Life Experience
What if the parenting behaviors you dislike most in yourself aren’t really “you”? What if they’re trauma responses your brain learned long ago to survive, and what if you could change them? In this episode of Finding Brave, Dr. Robyn Koslowitz explores how trauma shapes our parenting and what we can do to change the cycle.
Dr. Koslowitz is a trauma expert, child psychologist, and author of the new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be. She treats children, adolescents, and families at the Center for Psychological Growth of New Jersey, and hosts the Post-Traumatic Parenting YouTube channel and podcast.
In this conversation, she explains how trauma responses can surface in family life through yelling, dissociating, or people-pleasing, and why social media often deepens parents’ shame instead of easing it. She introduces the concept of the “trauma app,” which rewires the brain, and shows how children, unlike bosses or spouses, can reveal these hidden patterns.
This episode is a powerful reminder that healing is possible and that parenting can become a path to breaking cycles and reclaiming emotional presence. Tune in to learn how Dr. Koslowitz’s insights and practices can help you move beyond trauma and become the parent you always wanted to be!
Key Points From This Episode:
- Introduction to Dr. Robyn Koslowitz and her book Post-Traumatic Parenting. [02:19]
- Why parents often judge themselves harshly for yelling, dissociating, or people-pleasing. [05:01]
- How social media can amplify shame and harm post-traumatic parents. [07:41]
- Dr. Koslowitz’s definition of trauma: something that is too big to metabolize, shakes your sense of self or safety, and is faced alone. [10:29]
- The “trauma app” metaphor and how our brains create default responses to feel safe. [15:34]
- Why trauma strategies may work at work or in marriage but fail with children. [21:00]
- Recognizing both the costs and hidden “superpowers” of trauma responses. [23:24]
- Parenting as a path to healing and breaking cycles for the next generation. [27:43]
- Three practices for parents: undoing shame, journaling new narratives, and learning parenting skills. [30:34]
- How to access post-traumatic parenting resources. [35:04]
For More Information:
Dr. Robyn Koslowitz on LinkedIn
Dr. Robyn Koslowitz on Instagram
Dr. Robyn Koslowitz on Threads
Post-Traumatic Parenting Podcast
Post-Traumatic Parenting on YouTube
Center for Psychological Growth of New Jersey
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Check out Dr. Robyn Koslowitz’s new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be
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Quotes:
“The way I define trauma is any experience that's too big for your brain to metabolize, that shook your sense of self or safety in the world, and that you had to cope with alone.” — @DrKoslowitz [0:12:09]
“There's no such thing as little T trauma.” — @DrKoslowitz [0:13:02]
“Your kids are not okay with you lashing out over the slightest provocation. They're gonna hold you to account and say, ‘Why do you yell at me all the time?’” — @DrKoslowitz [0:16:48]
“My son was 10 years old, he looked at me and he said — ‘Mommy, where do you go when you go away behind your eyes? Sometimes when you're talking to me, it's like, you're not really there, and I don't like it.’ And he burst out crying.” — @DrKoslowitz [0:22:40]
“That's another thing I want to say about trauma. [To this day] I do have the good parts of the trauma app that I can toggle on and select. One of those is I can focus on work in tiny pockets of time with a high level of focus.” — @DrKoslowitz [0:23:37]
“There's a lot of research that shows if you put new mothers into fMRI machines, their brains are reorganizing. So it's a great time to rewire your brain. Not only is your damage not going to damage your kids. In raising your kids, you can heal your damage, because your brain is uniquely set up to do that.” — @DrKoslowitz [0:29:12]
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