Queer Theology The Journey of a Queer Disabled Advocate with Andrew Gurza
Andrew Gurza (@andrewgurza) joins Brian this week on the podcast to talk about sex, disability, and his new book, “Notes From a Queer Cripple.” Andrew is an award winning Disability Awareness Consultant and the Chief Disability Officer and Co-founder of Bump’n, a sex toy company for and by disabled people. Andrew uses they/he pronouns and identifies proudly as disabled. He is also the host of Disability After Dark: The Podcast Shining a Bright Light on Disability Stories. In this conversation, Andrew shares their journey as a queer disabled person, discussing their experiences with sexuality, disability advocacy, and the importance of creating inclusive spaces. They delve into their work as a speaker and author, emphasizing the need for open discussions about sex and disability. The conversation highlights the challenges faced in the community, the impact of critiques, and the joy of connecting with others through shared experiences.
Takeaways
- Andrew has been a disability consultant for 14 years.
- They emphasize the importance of discussing sex and disability openly.
- Andrew’s book is a love letter to queer disabled people.
- They advocate for the inclusion of disabled sexuality in mainstream conversations.
- Andrew’s experiences with sex work have transformed their relationship with intimacy.
- They believe that disabled people deserve to explore their sexuality freely.
- Andrew’s journey includes creating a sex-positive community for disabled individuals.
- They highlight the need for more accessible spaces for disabled people to express their sexuality.
- Andrew’s work aims to challenge societal norms around disability and sexuality.
- They encourage others to see the beauty in their bodies and desires.
Chapters
(02:40) Talking About Sex and Disability
(05:37) The Journey to Disability Advocacy
(08:29) The Book: Notes from a Queer Cripple
(11:19) Sex Work and Intimacy
(14:09) The Importance of Connection
(17:01) Embracing Sexuality and Body Positivity
(19:50) The Power of Humor in Disability Advocacy
(22:52) The Influence of Queer Media
(25:10) Creating Inclusive Spaces for Disabled Queer People
(28:32) The Impact of the Deliciously Disabled Party
(31:07) Navigating Critiques and Misunderstandings
(34:35) The Complexity of Disability and Sexuality
(37:21) The Importance of Community and Support
(40:19) Final Thoughts on Sexuality and Disability
Resources:.
- Notes From a Queer Cripple by Andrew Gurza
- Learn more about Andrew Gurza https://www.andrewgurza.com/about
- Join our online community at Sanctuary Collective Community
This transcript was generated by AI and may contain errors or omissions.
(9s):
Welcome to the Queer Theology Podcast. I’m Brian G Murphy. And I’m father Shannon, T l Kearns. We’re the co-founders of Queer Theology dot com and your hosts from Genesis, revelation. The Bible declares good news to LGBTQ plus people, and we want to show you how Tuning each week on Sunday for conversations about Christianity, queerness and transness, and how they can enrich one another. We’re glad you’re here. Hello. Hello. Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Queer Theology Podcast. Today we’ve got a really exciting interview with Andrew Gza. Have been a fan and follower of Andrew Online. I think I first saw him through the website, hammer Rose, and I’ve been following his Twitter and his Instagram listening to his podcast for many, many, many years now.(50s):
And so I’m just like a little, little bit of a fanboy over this interview. Andrew Gurza is an award-winning disability awareness consultant uses they he pronouns and identifies proudly as disabled. Their work has been featured on A-B-B-C-C-B-C Daily Extra Gay Times, uk, Huffington Post, the Advocate Everyday feminism mashable out.com, and several anthologies. He was a subject of an award-winning national film board of Canada documentary called Picture This. Andrew has guested on a number of podcasts including Dan Savage’s, Savage Love, and Cameron Esposito’s Query. He has spoken all over the world on sex disability and what it means to be a queer cripple. He is also the host of Disability After Dark, The Podcast Shining a Bright Light on Disability Stories, which won a Canadian podcast award in 2020.(1m 36s):
One was a queer tea award nominee and was chosen as an honoree of the 2020 Web Awards. The show is available on all platforms. Andrew’s also the creator of the viral hashtag Disabled People are hot and relevant to today’s conversation. He’s the author of a new book, Notes From a Queer Cripple. I so enjoyed talking with Andrew And I think that you are going to enjoy the conversation as well. So let’s dive in. Andrew, thank you so much for being here with me today. Brian, thank you for having me here today. It’s such a pleasure. I am like a little bit fanboying. I first, this is, I think, I think you know this. I first like found out about you years ago, I think by way of Hammer Rose.(2m 16s):
I think I saw you in in a adult film on the internet. That one. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, he’s hot and fun and interesting And I wanna like, I like checked you out on social media And I was like, oh, you’ve got a podcast. So I was, I subscribed to your podcast and I’ve been following your Instagram and your tweets for like, at least since 2016 if not longer. And so thank you. When we start, when you started following me back and we started talking online, I was like, ah, this is so cool. And then I found out we have, we both independently got booked deals and then found out we have the same editor. And so that’s like been cool that that sort of like serendipitously worked out. And so you’re a podcaster, a disability advocate and educator.(2m 58s):
You’re now a published author and like an all around like really like rad person. And so I’m, I’m so glad to have you on this podcast. Thank you so much. So today, like just set the stage for where we’re going. I wanna talk about like your experiences like as a like queer, disabled person and also like in general and also about your like book in particular. So let’s get started. Cool. And ready? Yeah. Let’s do it. Yeah. So can you like, share, one of the ways that we like to start the interview is by asking folks like, imagine that you’re out like a, a fun queer dinner party or a cocktail party.(3m 39s):
Like how would, how do you introduce yourself? I would say, hi, my name’s Andrew. I’m a freelance disability consultant And I give talks about sex and disability. I’ve been doing it now for 14 years, which is really weird and a long time. But I’ve been doing it for, yeah, freelance for about 14 years now, which feels like such a long time. But I talk predominantly about sex and disability ’cause no one else does. Yeah, totally. You know, I think that for many folks listening who have like some sort of religious background, like talking about sex in public can be kind of scary. And I, I, you know, we at Queer Theology com talk about it a lot.(4m 20s):
And so like can you share what it was like for you to start talking about sex, like in a public way? I was, yeah. I was never afraid of it. I was never scared of it. I’ve always been a very sexually open person. From the time I knew that I was queer at like six years old to going through puberty, I always knew that like, this shouldn’t be a scary thing. But what I probably didn’t, didn’t count for is that people would be afraid of me and my disability because of it. And so I made the choice when I was done school, I went to school for legal studies and law. So I made the choice when I was done school to, I was looking for jobs And I was looking for work And I said, I wanna do disability consulting.(5m 5s):
I wanna be a speaker on disability. And everybody went, that’s a nice hobby, that’s not a real job. Hmm. And I kind of went, well fuck you, I’m gonna make it my job. Watch me make it my job. And I made a card up this to print, printed my name on it, said I’m a disability awareness consultant, having no idea what that was. And said I wanted, here’s what I do. And I started contacting HuffPo and the Advocate and, and like men’s health magazines and every, every magazine where a queer person would go. And I said, I wanna write for free, not anymore, but at the time when I was up for free, I wanna write about sex and disability. Do you have anybody that does that? And they were like, no.(5m 45s):
And I was like, great, can I be the one that does that for you? And so I just started putting it out there publicly because I wanted to do education, but also I wanted to be honest, I wanted to get laid. I wanted gay men and queer men to notice me. And I was like, if I put my body out there and, and push that I’m a sexual being, maybe finally I’ll get laid or I’ll go on some dates or I’ll meet somebody. Yeah. And so there was a professional reason for it and there was a sexual reason for it. It was like, I want people, I want queer men specifically to know that I’m here too. Yeah. And to get paid while you’re attracting queer men to have sex with you. Yeah. So that’s a double win. And to like, make some money.(6m 26s):
’cause everybody said, oh, it’s a hobby, it’s not a real job. It can be your hobby. And I kept being like, well, I don’t want to be a hobby. It’s, it’s what I wanna do. And so I was really disheartened by the lack of community support. But I also was thankful because there was nobody doing it in my area at the time. I mean, I was in Toronto and I’m still in Toronto because there was nobody at the time doing it. I, I kind of cornered that market locally and said, okay, I’m gonna be the guy. And that led to like, I was on one girl five days for a season, which is a little Canadian pop show. It happened like 10 years ago.(7m 6s):
I did a season of that Talking About Sex and Disability. I’ve done porn, I’ve done like tv I’ve done like, because I refused to be like, I’m not going to, I’m not gonna listen to you. I’m gonna do this. Yeah. You sc was my follow-up question, which was gonna be, so you’ve, you’ve talked about like writing. What are some of the other ways that you do disability advocacy and consulting? I have a great podcast called Disability After Dark where I talk, I talk, I used to talk only about sex And I got bored. So now it’s an Everything Disability podcast, but for the first like 200 episodes, it was predominantly sex and disability. So I do that once a week, once, once every other week.(7m 48s):
And I do consulting And I do writing And I do tweeting. And I do like so many different things free. The joy of freelance is, it’s very flexible. You can do so many different things in one day for your job. And I love that. And so I do so many different things from talks to tweeting to, to Instagraming, to like doing lives, like doing stuff like this. It’s really, really cool that I can use my voice to talk about sexuality, queerness, and disability and in so many different ways. Yeah. Thank you for all of that. So one of the things, so you’ve got a book coming out or you have a book that is already out Notes From a Queer Cripple.(8m 30s):
Yes. I Now I know that the like unsexy story is that like the publisher approached you about it, but like when you were thinking about what this book might be, how did you come up? Like why, why The Book that you ended up writing? Like why that book in that way? Well, that, that was in The Book that I wanted to write initially. I had written a, my spec outline was a lot broader, a lot more like, how do we make the queerness accessible to everyone? And they were like, that’s very nice. Can you hone it into disability and your community? Please can you just talk about your community? And I was like, okay. So I had to pivot and they were like, just tell stories like you would in your tweets and just talk, like those things you talk about in your tweets, make them longer for an essay.(9m 17s):
Go. And so, like, that was really daunting for me ’cause I didn’t, I forgot how to write long form. I forgot how to do like, oh, I have to write pages and pages of this to make it make sense. And so like they said, we wanted you to write a love letter to queer, disabled people, but also give queer, non-disabled people a place to land. And so that’s kind of how The Book came to be. And really it’s a collection of seven Chapters of a bunch of stories of my formative years trying to be queer and disabled, trying to access sex, trying to, like trying to go to clubs, trying to go to, trying to make a porn, try like doing all these things but infusing disability in a way that I don’t think we’ve seen before.(10m 1s):
And being unashamedly like queer about it. And I am disabling queer. I suck, I do this. I, and it’s very, very direct. And a lot of people who have read it, they love it. But there have been some that have said like, oh, it’s too heavy on the sex work. It’s too heavy on the sex chat. Why? And I think that’s important because so much of disability writing or queer writing doesn’t put the two worlds together of it. It’s very sanitized. Yeah. It was No time to do that. Yeah. One of the things that I, I noticed as I was reading your book was that like, obviously you have had very different experiences for me.(10m 44s):
And also I recognized like my myself in many parts of it and sort of like parts of my own queer experiences and that like, there are some like through lines between many of our queer experiences and queer lives that are sort of like resonate across differences or ways in which your like experience with a disability. Like remind me of other experiences like not related to disabilities that I’ve had. Right. And so like, not to, not to universalize a, a particular story, but I feel like this is one of those moments where like disabled justice like helps everyone and like learning from disabled folks can sort of help you see your own self in a new light while also helping you see disability in a, in a new light as well.(11m 30s):
Yeah. And I think, you know, I I, that was kinda the point of The Book. I wanted to tell everybody, like, you will become disabled, disability will be a part of your story. You might run into like the hottest disabled person at the club, and then disability becomes better, your story. And like how do you sleep with them? How do you have in with them? How do you get to know them all? All the stuff I talk about in The Book gives a non-disabled queer person, particularly queer men. And that’s kind of who, that’s kind of the community that I was speaking to was really queer men because they have so much ableism to unpack. So I wanted them to see queer, disabled sex is a possibility and how like sexy can be.(12m 13s):
Yeah. How has your relationship to sex changed over like the course of your life? Oh, the course of my life. Well, as I share in The Book, my first sexual experience wasn’t super great. The guy, the guy that I was with call me a pity fuck Oh my god. To my face, which was, you know, real fun for me. Fuck Yeah. And so that was really, that was, I was 19 when that happened. It was a really hard thing to experience and things to kind of compartmentalize. And so it’s changed because I started using sex workers about nine years ago And I decided to hire a sex worker to have my needs met.(12m 57s):
And it’s given me so much more confidence because I don’t have to wait on, I don’t have to like hope that some guy’s gonna like me. I can hire somebody to have my needs met. It’s turned my sexuality into a much less desire based thing and more of like a therapeutic thing when I see a sex worker, like, yes, there’s desire and there’s playfulness there and all those things, but because my body is has different needs, I treat it like going to see a physio every week or going like, I’ll see my sex worker every three months or something as a part of my therapeutic process.(13m 37s):
So like I am, I went from wishing guys would, would write me back wishing guys would date me, wishing guys would like talk to me. And I still feel that way a lot of the time, but now with sex work as an option, I feel like, oh, I can get my knees met this way And I can at least have an orgasm or have intimacy the way that I want without worrying about all the other emotional stuff that comes along with that. Yeah. So before the podcast, before I started recording, I was complimenting the color of your wall, which I can see, but if you’re listening you probably can’t see. It’s, it’s this, this really beautiful bluish ish color. And you shared that like your regular sex worker came over and painted it for you and painted it naked.(14m 20s):
And so I, I would imagine like many people listening when they think about sex work or imagining someone coming over and fucking and then leaving, and you’ve used words like therapeutic and also I know that like he also painted your wall for you while naked. And so like, can you talk about like, yes, it’s about sex, like, and also like what else is a part of that experience? Like, And I love that question. Sometimes it’s about intimacy. Sometimes, like he comes over and we watch Bob’s burgers and cuddle and like have a laugh. And sometimes we have sex and sometimes we don’t. And sometimes, like he sleeps over and we just watch a show. Like it’s, it’s so much, yes, there’s a sexual component there.(15m 3s):
Of course there is. But we’ve been seeing, he’s my main sex worker. I’ve been seeing him now for almost eight years. So we’re really well attuned to each other. And it’s nice to have somebody that I can be like, I just wanna spend time with you. I don’t necessarily want us to mess around. I wanted to spend time with you. I wanna talk to you. Like sometimes we’ll just text and they’ll be like, Hey, how are you? How’s your day? How are you doing today? How are you feeling today? Like people think it’s this dark, dirty deed that’s happening, but really it’s building connection with somebody. And also, like, I’m aware that a lot of sex workers are students and teachers and, and people with three jobs trying to make it, trying to make ends mean.(15m 48s):
So I’m aware that like by me helping him out transactionally, I’m actually supporting another marginalized person. And that’s like, there’s something really, really beautiful about that symbiotic relationship we have together. And I am, so like, when he came over and painted my house, that was right after COVID, not the COVID iss over, but like right after the first, the last big wave. So in 2021, like right after we were allowed to see each other again, and we hadn’t seen each other from March, 2020 to October, 2021. And we, we would have sessions like once every month, honestly. And so we didn’t see each other for like a year and a half and we were both like, we miss each other.(16m 31s):
So in that session we talked for an hour about our lives and we like hugged and we tried a little bit and it was, you know, it was a nice like moment to have together. And so for me it’s so much deeper than just I’m gonna have the sexual experience, I’m gonna pay this guy for it, and then that’s it. Part of me, which is I didn’t have to do that. But I know that I, I think it’s the same as like any relationship. They all have. They all have, and we talked about this a minute ago, they all yeah. Have transactions somewhere. So if by me giving him 300 bucks an hour allows him to feed himself and for me to feel sexually fulfilled for an hour, like that’s a really cool thing that I got to do.(17m 16s):
Yeah. And Be a part of. Yeah, I mean we, we talk about this on your podcast, but like my, like the line between like a spouse who works and a spouse who doesn’t work versus like a sugar baby, sugar daddy versus like quote unquote sex work. Those are like, those are blurry lines and whether it’s monetary transactions that are happening or like care, like we are all caring for one another. And so I think what, you know, what I I’m hearing from you is like, this should be an option for folks who wanna be able to take advantage of it. I mean, I’m gonna say it quite bluntly, it should be funded by the government, it should be funded by, like in Australia they have a disability support program called the National Disability Insurance Scheme.(18m 3s):
And up until a while ago, they were funding sex work. Yeah. They were allowing, they were giving you a stipend every month to hire a worker to have your needs met. Like that is so critically important. Yeah. Yeah. And it’s, again, all we do sometimes is watch TV and have a laugh and yeah, we might get naked and be naked while that’s happening, but it’s not One time we went to the grocery store and he, he helped me buy groceries. Yeah. And we just had a laugh. It’s like, it’s so much more than what people think it is. Yeah. And I wish that they would see that like, these connections are important and when you have severe disabilities like I do, where my body doesn’t look quote unquote normative, when you meet somebody who paid or otherwise wants to spend time with you, you have to like capitalize on that as best you can.(18m 54s):
One of the things that I’ve noticed about you over the years is that you’re able to talk really boldly and matter of factly about sex in general, about like your desires and experiences like about your body and your body parts and how they’re hot. And like I know that I’m, I would imagine like many people, people listening to this podcast, many of us have come from like more restrictive backgrounds where like talking about sex was like super taboo or we were like, felt ashamed about our bodies or our sexual desires. And I know that’s pro potentially also like part of your story as well. But like, how did you get to a place where you could just like, so boldly be like, like, this is my sex life.(19m 35s):
I’ve got a, like a big dick and it’s really hot and like my body is sexy and like let’s have, like this is who I am. How, like how did you get there? Okay. Know, we’re not supposed to flirt, but every day you see I get a huge giant smile on my face. So just So, just so it makes very aware of that. Thank you. You know, some days I’m there and some days I’m not there. Like it’s, it’s really ebb and flow. Like some days I hate my body. Some days I hate my experience, but I know that if I’m vocal about my sex life and somebody with severe disabilities, somebody else with severe disabilities will listen to that and think, oh, if Andrew can talk about it so openly, maybe I can too.(20m 16s):
And so I don’t always do it because I believe it. It’s sort of like a fake until I believe it in myself kind of thing. If I constantly push that I’m the sexiest disabled person you’ll ever meet, which I know is not true. There are way hotter disabled people than me. But like if I push that pretend thing around it, maybe eventually I can believe it too. And then it’ll be true. Yeah. And like did, like, did you just like, like how did you get that idea to do that? Or did like, were you inspired by someone else or did you like read it in a book? Did you like think it up yourself? I’ve always been provocative. I’ve always been somebody who like, who likes to push the boundaries a little bit. And so one time I was doing a magazine shoot for a magazine in Toronto called, now they’re now defunct, I think.(21m 3s):
And they were doing like a Love your Body shoot. And so you had to go and be naked. And I went down with my friend to the studio And I got naked and they covered my bits And I did it. And so they, they put, they, they did the magazine, they went all over Toronto and then Global, the, the news called me and said, would you come on a segment? And I was like, okay, sure. So I did. And they were like, oh, why did you do this? And I jokingly said something like, oh, I think I’m deliciously disabled like funny. And I just like made the joke on the air as a joke because I like to be, you know, funny and quick. And then I was like, oh wait, there’s something there that I, And I can play with that And I can make the idea of being disabled really hot and really fun.(21m 47s):
And then from that grew, the Disabled people are hot hashtag that I created. And then from that grew like the offer to be on TV. And like, I just was recently, I didn’t get it, but I was asked to audition for like that movie about Judy Human that’s coming out soon. And so all of my stuff has been to be like, you need to look at me, you need to see who I am. And I did it partially as a joke because I didn’t believe anybody would actually care. But then it turned into something. So like I didn’t do it thinking it would actually happen. I did it. Oh, let’s try and see what happens. Yeah. I love that. I’m guys, so every time you say something I have like three questions as a result.(22m 28s):
’cause it’s just so interesting. But so you, you, you mentioned that like at first you didn’t necessarily believe it and it’s like, I’m wondering like how it feels different. And you mentioned that you still don’t always believe it, but like, how does it feel different now than when you say like, I’m really hot or talk about your body or deliciously disabled or whatever it might be now versus like the first time you sort of like tentatively said it out loud. Well, now I know when I say it, people will pay attention to it. And now I know when I talk about it, it will, it will garner a response. Whereas when I first did it, I was like, nobody cares. Like, when I first put out Deliciously Disabled the first time, no one cared.(23m 10s):
Like it wasn’t a big thing, but it, that turned into a sex party that I threw four disabled people and like, it, it’s just a ma It was a matter of me just trying stuff and seeing what, and I’m, I love Silly Punt and like, alliteration and like silly stuff. So like on apps like Grinder and Scruff and Sniffy, my name is either bar in a chair or like Big Dick trip or like, you know, super ballsy or like funny stupid stuff to make myself laugh because I think we take disability and that’s part of what Dly Disabled was too. We take disability so fucking seriously and it’s okay if we make fun of ourselves, it’s okay if we play with it a little bit.(23m 56s):
And especially when it comes to our bodies and our desires and our, our sexual worth. It needs to be a bit of a game, otherwise it’s so not fun. Not fun. Yeah. And that feels very queer and the ways in which queer people have always used sort of like camp to like subvert things and to like lighten our spirits and keep us going. Yeah, exactly. And I I, I love camp. Like, I was raised on like ab fab And I was raised on like, you know, the bird cage And I was raised on so many, so much queer media that I didn’t realize was queer at the time. That looking back on it, I was like, of course I would go this way. Of course I would be this like flamboyantly queer, queer person. I remember like the very first queer movie that I watched that was like pointedly queer with my mom was was Priscilla Queen of the Desert.(24m 47s):
And like I, we watched that the night I came out to her. And so like queerness has been all around me my whole life. And so I I And I love doing big silly gestures And I think disabled queer people deserve big, silly, sexy moments. And so when I do things like do a porn or do a, a show about sex and disability or do a post where I’m half naked and on Instagram or do a post where I’m like kissing and doing in my wheelchair, all that stuff’s important because it deserves a space just like everything everybody else does. Yeah. I think you’re like, I think you’re like a prophet. I think you’re a queer prophet. You’re doing really important work.(25m 27s):
Wow. Wow. That that’s, that feels very nice but also very big. Wow. Yeah, I mean like, like in the, in the Jewish Bible, like with the, the prophets almost like they’re, they’re these, one of the things they do right is they like, they do these big gestures that are like meaningful in and of themselves, but also sort of like call attention to a larger issue. And so I think like what, what you do when you like post sexy pictures of yourself, it’s like both like you being sexy in and of yourself like, and also as like part of a larger thing that’s happening. And I know that you’re like inspiring and lots of other folks on the internet to, to see themselves in sexy ways or to see people who aren’t like them in, in other, in new sexy ways.(26m 9s):
Yeah. Like, you know, And I, I, I hope that I can use my privilege as, as a white disabled person for somebody of color with disabilities to be like, I wanna do the same thing. I want to show that I ha that I deserve to be sexy too. And so I try to, I try to remember my privilege all the time and remember that in doing the work that I do, yeah, it’s fun and flirty and whatever, but it’s also, there’s such a bigger meaning behind it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Can you talk a little bit about deliciously Disabled at the party and like what it was like to it plan this party and like what it was like to be at it? Yeah. The person And I that threw it, we had a falling out so I won’t speak to her part ’cause we don’t talk anymore.(26m 53s):
Sure, sure, sure. And the, the shady is real. And there are many things I could say that I won’t because I’m a good podcaster And I know I’m not a great jam, but I also kind of wanted to, so there I sort of did. Yeah. But that was really fun to do that. We did it 10 years ago. We did it at a theater here in Toronto called Buddies in Bad Times Theater, which is like an iconic Toronto theater space. ’cause we couldn’t find a sex club that was accessible. So we needed to use a theater space. So they, they let us, and then we were just gonna do a play party, a simple play party that that honored disabled folks.(27m 33s):
And that was all supposed to be. And then somebody did a press thing and they called it a disabled orgy. And I was like, oh, I don’t love that. But like that, that ran like wildfire. And then yeah. People from Howard Stern to the BBC were calling us to be like, can we come and film? And we were like, no, this is not, it’s not a joke to us. Like yeah, this is the real thing. And so we sold out, we had people on the night, we had people from around the block trying to get in that we had to say no to. Wow. And so, like, there were probably, I can’t remember exactly ’cause it was 10 years ago, but there were probably like 150 people there, which in that, in that space feels like a lot of people.(28m 17s):
And it was packed. And I didn’t actually have sex that night, like a lot of people didn’t have sex. But it was a place to explore desire, explore sexuality, explore sensuality. And it was the first with kind. And I know there have been sexy ish play parties around that, but still there are not enough parties that uplift disability access and sexuality. And that’s what we wanted it to be. And that’s what it was like, we really tried to be like, oh, disabled. We had beds for if disabled people wanted to have sex, there were options. We had like lifts. We had things ready to go in case we wanted to have sex. And what I love about that party, we did that 10 years ago And I haven’t done it since.(28m 60s):
But that party was the, the reason why in the new queers folk season that died, RIP they had a party disabled people fuck party that was based on the party that I threw. Oh, that’s so cool. So like, I am forever. And I remember going to the pretend party and seeing like a bunch of disabled folks and Hoyer lifts and like all the things that we had at my party. And it was so awesome that like this thing that I created that I never thought anyone would care about Yeah. Is now immortalized on a like iconic queer television show. Yeah. That’s incredible.(29m 39s):
And I think that what you said just a moment ago where like this thing that I thought nobody would care about, like, and then there was 150 people. There was a line around the block that I think that that sometimes the, the we, we can feel so alone or like we’re the only one who wants this or who is this way and then, or that is a silly idea. And then just like, we’re not alone. And there’s like so much like potential impossibility out there if you’re willing to put yourself out there and take like, take some big risks. Oh yeah. And I, and almost every time I do a talk, somebody will say to me, Hey, would you ever do another one? Like what would you? And I, I always say like, well are you gonna pay me because Yeah, yeah, yeah.(30m 22s):
We like, we didn’t get paid the first time and it was a lot of work and like I would do it again if you paid me real money. Yeah. And, and you guys dealt with all the logistics and then I got to just be the host. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. But like the reality of that and the backlash we got from queer people who said it was a bad idea. Artistic people. Artistic people who said How dare we use a theater space to have sex. Which is ironic because a lot of theater is Yeah. Very sexual. Yeah. Disabled people who told me that how dare I the party is a bad idea. Don’t do it. Like the backlash that we got from all sides of people. Yeah. We didn’t understand what we were really saying was disabled sexuality has value.(31m 6s):
Let’s showcase that. Yeah. It’s all we were saying, it’s all the party really was like, I didn’t know sex in, i, I didn’t fuck around. I wa I wanted to a lot, but I was busy running around saying, oh my God, hi, thank you for being here. Oh my God. But like, it was just running Into sex party takes a lot of hard, practical, boring work science. So much work. And I am a bad hostess man. I did not want by like the 10th person, I was like, I don’t wanna say hi anymore. Like hop fun, bye. Like I wanted to fuck. And I didn’t get to do that ’cause I was working. But like the whole point of the party was people, disabled people deserve spaces to be obtusely sexual.(31m 47s):
Yeah. Overtly sexual. To be slutty, to be dirty. Yeah. To be quote unquote inappropriate. We deserve spaces to do that. And the media backlash from all sides reminded me that we’re not quite ready to talk about sex and disability yet. Which is why I think my book also kind of rubs some people the wrong way. They’re not ready for how sexual it is. People have critiqued that they’re not ready for my discussions of sex work. People have critiqued that. My newest favorite critique is there’s a section in The Book where I talk about asking my care worker to help me set up a sex toy and like to help me use a sex toy.(32m 30s):
And she did. And there’s a critique that I’m exploiting her. And I was like, well this, this, like of course I asked, I asked her if it was all right, of course. Like I checked before I did anything. Like this idea that disabled people can’t be sexual and have no, should not be allowed any avenue to ask for help to be sexual is really a problem. And so that’s why my book is so loud and so in your face and doesn’t hold back from the telling the truth. And I think people were afraid of that. I had somebody who critiqued it who also said like, oh, well if they’re not binary ’cause I use they, that they, and he pronouns, if they’re not binary, why are they only talking about men?(33m 13s):
And I was like, because it’s my story and men are who I choose to sleep with. Like Yeah. And your gender is different than who you wanna have sex with also. Yeah, exactly. So I just, I find some of the critiques really narrow-minded because it shows that we have a lot of work to do. And it reminds me, And I’m thankful for the critiques, it reminds me that I’ll never behalf of a job, I’ll never not be working Yeah. To push these narratives and to push sex and disability positivity. And you know, I, but I’ve had also great reviews where people said, like The Book woke me up to things I didn’t see before The Book opened Something in me that I didn’t notice before.(33m 56s):
Like really powerful reviews too. And it’s hard when you and you know, from also writing Yeah. Writing stuff. Like when you put something that is so personal to you out in the public sphere, it can be really hard. Yeah. I mean like, I I, that’s one of the things that I love about The Book. I mean, listeners will not be surprised that I love that book That’s very boldly sex, like sex word or sex positive. But like, it’s just like so, so needed and like such an antidote to like the shame and secrecy that so many of us has been like going indoctrinated to Yeah. To believe it is like that we should carry, carry around with us And well, you know, one of my favorite parts of The Book is, is you know, just talking about sex work in The Book, talking about like, my experience with my sex worker talking about the porn I did.(34m 49s):
Like, it’s so bold. And I remember when I did my book launch a couple weeks ago, by the time this comes out, I don’t know how many weeks it’ll be, but I did it about a month ago. I did a book launch for The Book and my college prof my favorite pro, I invited her to say a few words ’cause she inspired me not to write The Book, but she inspired me in the work that I do And I just adore her. So she came and she’s like a, she’s like a really cool hip, like just one of my favorite profs in the whole world. And she came on the Zoom and talked about how great it was. And I like teared up and to know that my like 60 something was reading a book about me very explicitly talking about like, yeah, sex made me so happy.(35m 35s):
’cause I was like, see everybody, it’s fine. We’re all, it’s good. Everybody can understand this. Yeah. I, I think that that’s a reminder that like there are like allies in unexpected places and that like, sometimes the people like, just like not make assumptions because like sometimes it’s the people that we think like should be on board or not. Like I know I’ve also gotten critiques of my work, like when I talk about sex positivity or a polyamorous spirituality and like sometimes like from queer people or queer young people. And then there’ll be like a straight cis like 65-year-old rabbi is like, this is inspired, you have to keep doing this work. Right. Or like a priest like gets it and I’m like, yeah. Like there’s like, there’s some ageism and thinking like, oh, only young people.(36m 19s):
Like the young people are sex positive and the old people aren’t sex positive that like, oh yeah. There’s a ton of ableism that way. It’s, It’s all old people can be awesome and young people can be terrible. Yeah. It that’s really true. And and the same with disabled folks. Like we think that all disabled folks are these ubic angelic beautiful souls that are so innocent, blah, blah, blah, blah. But dude, there are some really shitty disabled people out there. Yeah. Like sometimes like you’re just a shitty person. It’s not because you’re disabled, because you’re queer, because you’re, you’re a woman. It’s just like some people are shitty. You’re a shitty person and like I’ll conduit sometimes I can also be a shitty person. Sure, sure, sure. We all can do that. And so I think this idea that one of my favorite critiques that I’ve gotten so far is the latest one that I got on my neck alley again.(37m 7s):
’cause I I shouldn’t read my critiques. Thank you. So the latest one that I got was they said, no, no, no, I don’t like that he exploits care workers. I don’t like that he pays for sex. And then they said sometimes the writing felt immature. And I kind of laughed at that because I was like, why does everything, why does everything we write about disability have to be steeped in seriousness and like intensity? Why can’t somebody with a disability write a little immature thing? Why, why? Yeah. And it’d be lighthearted. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn’t say it’s immature. It does not strike me as an immature book. Like there are many parts that are lighthearted, but it’s like so much mature content you’re talking about just in a lighthearted, very approachable, accessible way.(37m 54s):
Really smart choice. Yeah. I wanted to write back to her and be like, well actually I, back to what you said I wanted write back and be like, well actually it’s just that, you know, accessible. But then I was like, okay, you’re gonna have your opinion no matter what. There’s something I can do. And that’s hard for me because like, I want all my stuff to be loved by everyone. And I’m quickly realizing that’s not true. Yeah. There’s this, there’s this quote from Jesus in one of the, the gospels where he’s like sending out his followers to go like, preach the gospel. And he’s like, if you get to a city or a town or a house and they like won’t listen to you, just leave and like dust the dust, the shake the dust offal to, to try and like convince them of your goodness or the rightness of this message.(38m 39s):
And I think that’s like a message for, but, but Shannon And I here are constantly harping on and it’s like, I think for you also it’s like it’s, it’s just kinda like not land with some people and those aren’t the people that you’re gonna be talking to. But I know that your work really lands and transformative for so many people. Well that feels so nice to hear. ’cause you know, you know, and I’m sure you understand this, we work in a vacuum. Yeah. We do a lot of the, we do a lot of the stuff. We do solo, we do a lot of it by ourselves. We do a lot of it for nobody but ourselves. And so when somebody says like, oh, it something you did meant something to me, it’s like, oh wow. That’s so nice. Thank you. Okay, great. Wow. Wow. Yeah. And like, you know, you asked earlier how I got, how I got talking about sex.(39m 23s):
I wanna change the question a little bit. Like Yeah. Because of comments like that, there have been so many moments where I’ve been like, oh, I should just give it up and get a real job, or I should just give it up and not do this anymore. And then I get comments like that and I’m like, okay, there’s another reason why I gotta keep going. I just have to remember this and it’ll be fine. Yeah. One of the things I talk about in my book I see like a real synergy here is like hospitality being like a core sacred obligation across traditions and the ways in which like queer people and non-monogamous, like slutty sex is a practice of hospitality, of welcoming a stranger into your house, into your bedroom, into your body.(40m 4s):
And there’s a lot of like trust and care there. And I think what happens on like an individual, like on any given like individual hookup or experience, but also I’m like thinking about it with like deliciously disabled, like what an incredible model of hospitality and inclusion and belonging. And it’s like a vision of like the kingdom of God. Like the way that the world could be where sort of it’s sort of like come and like bring your whole self and your bodies and have like your needs met and your desires seen and maybe you’ll have sex or maybe you won’t. Or maybe let’s complicate what it even means to have sex and be in a sexual space. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be fucking in a particular way, but it can all, it can be, it can be blurry and sensual and sexy and that there’s like some power in in coming together and that like that like I, I dunno, And I what you just said, there’s, there’s a ton of power in coming together.(40m 59s):
Yeah. Yes. Oh my god. Yeah. There’s a ton of power in coming together and you know, we, we are so I am still 10 years later so fucking proud of that party. I’m so proud of what, what we did, even though I didn’t get to have sex the night at all And I was so fucking tired and so busy and so exhausted from the whole thing. But it set the world of blaze because it remind like fucking Howard Stern wanted to come and film it and the BBC wanted to come and film it and like yeah, they wanted to make a mockery of it. But it started a conversation that disabled people before me have been talking about and after me, long after me. We’ll talk about, Yeah.(41m 40s):
Of like Disabled people. Fuck. And we want intimacy and it shouldn’t be, why are we only allowed to talk about accessibility when it’s about ramps and elevators and buttons? Why can’t I talk about access to like the hot guy that I wanna fuck or the bedroom or the shower room or the dark room that I wanna be. Yeah. Why is access not relegated to those places too? Putting together a sex toy that works for you. Like all those things. Yeah, yeah. Like I created a sex toy. RIP to that too. It’s no longer a thing, But we, you know, tried to get that going and like I’ve done so much to, to continue the conversation that will happen long after I’m gone.(42m 21s):
And I hope that in the brief blips that I’ve had here, it’s made an impact. Yeah. Well I think so. So your book is called Notes From a Queer Cripple. Folks can get it anywhere. Books are sold, right? Anywhere. Anywhere. Books are sold if you wanna go And a book Yeah. Go Ahead to Amazon or you know, Barnes and Noble. Yeah. Basically anywhere books are sold. The digital and physical copy right now I have no idea if they’re gonna do an audiobook. I’ve been asked multiple times I the answer, I dunno, how does even work? Yeah. Audible, if you’re listening, I’m right here. I’ll do one. Just call me. Yeah. And so like what’s like one thing that you hope readers take away from your book?(43m 2s):
I hope they take away that sexuality and disability is way more nuanced than I think they realized. It isn’t just about getting that guy in the wheelchair off. It isn’t just about getting that guy in the wheelchair laid. It’s about how you see your body. It’s about how you see your sensuality and it, I hope people that are disabled take away that they see a part of themselves in there. And I hope that people who are not disabled take away that they have a lot of work to do. Awesome. Thank you so much. And where can folks, if they wanna keep in touch, whether you or follow along or support your work, how can folks do that? Yeah, I’m most active on Instagram. They can go to Andrew Gza on Instagram. They can go to Andrew Gza on Blue Sky.(43m 43s):
I did have an ex account, but I killed it because don’t wanna support the fascist regimes that we’re dealing with right now. So just Instagram and Blue Sky. They can go to andrew gza.com to book me for talks, book signings, readings and all those great things as well. Awesome. Thank you guys for Being here One more time. Sorry. They can listen to my podcast, disability After Dark, wherever you get podcasts every other Sunday. I love it. I’m a subscriber to that. So thank you again so much for being here, Andrew. Thank you for having me. It was such a pleasure. The Queer Theology podcast is just one of many things that we do at Queer Theology dot com, which provides resources, community, and inspiration for L-G-B-T-Q Christians and straight cisgender supporters.(44m 25s):
To dive into more of the action, visit us at Queer Theology dot com. You can also connect with us online on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram. We’ll see you next week.
The post The Journey of a Queer Disabled Advocate with Andrew Gurza appeared first on Queer Theology.