Focus and Chill - productivity tactics for AuDHDers and other neurodivergent folks

Episode 89: Lia Lawton

Feb 22, 2025

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Welcome to episode #89! We’re thrilled to be joined by Lia Lawton today.

Lia Lawton is a neurodivergent psychologist and psychosexual therapist, passionate about helping clients explore intimacy, communication, and relationships in ways that are authentic to their unique neurotypes. She runs Fine Sanctuary, a private practice that provides therapy for ADHD, autism, and sexual health concerns.

Diagnosed with ADHD in her late 20s, Lia understands firsthand the challenges of masking, late diagnosis, and navigating relationships as a neurodivergent adult. She is also working on developing neurodivergent-friendly tech tools to support better communication and connection.

In this episode, we dive into how ADHD and autism affect relationships, intimacy, emotional regulation, and self-acceptance.

Welcome to the show, Lia!

Questions

JN: When did you first realize you were neurodivergent?

Late 20s—her dad was diagnosed first and encouraged her to get assessed
Had struggled with dyscalculia (number dyslexia) in school but wasn’t identified as neurodivergent
ADHD traits were dismissed in school as “lazy” or “talking too much”

JN: What was school like for you growing up?

Thrived in primary school but struggled after transitioning to a larger, all-girls school
Was misunderstood and labeled as lazy, leading to complete withdrawal
A teacher once wrote in a report: "Lia handed in no work this year. Good luck for year 11."

JN: What was your career path before psychology?

Worked in event management, nightclubs, and the strip club industry
Loved fast-paced, high-stimulation environments that suited her ADHD brain
A bad therapy experience led her to return to university to study psychology

JC: How did getting diagnosed with ADHD change things for you?

Medication was life-changing, but not a complete fix
Helped level the playing field but still required additional strategies
Found alternative supports like binaural beats and heavy metal music for focus

JC: How do ADHD and autism impact relationships and intimacy?

Emotional regulation issues can cause communication breakdowns
Masking in relationships leads to burnout and resentment
Many neurodivergent people struggle with sensory sensitivities & intimacy disconnect

JC: What are some common intimacy struggles for neurodivergent clients?

Porn addiction, anxiety around sex, erectile dysfunction, painful sex, and mismatched libidos
Relationship challenges when one partner is neurodivergent and the other isn’t
Communication breakdowns due to different processing styles

JN: How do you help couples navigate neurodivergence in relationships?

Explains the brain differences to both partners to build understanding
Helps clients develop clearer communication strategies
Encourages acceptance of different intimacy needs rather than forcing a "norm"

JN: What new projects are you working on?

Exploring AI and app development to create neurodivergent-friendly communication tools
Writing a book on ADHD, sex, and relationships (currently in the idea-collection phase)

JC: What productivity strategies work for you?

Standing desk for movement while working
Binaural beats & heavy metal music to help with focus
Breaking tasks into structured steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed

JC: What productivity advice does NOT work for you?

Journaling in pre-dated diaries—leads to guilt when she forgets to use it
"Just remember to do it" strategies—doesn’t work for ADHD brains
Out of sight, out of mind—has to leave things visible to remember them

JN: What does your morning routine look like?

Not a morning person—needs time to wake up and reset
Starts with a shower & reviewing client notes before first session
Uses movement & structured quiet time before diving into work

JN: How do you wind down at night?

Reads before bed to slow down thoughts
Avoids work-related conversations in the bedroom
Finds her Golden Retriever comforting & part of her nightly routine

JN: Where can people connect with you?

Website: https://findsanctuary.com.au/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/masterofsex_ology/

JC: Final words for the audience?

"Know your own brain. The more you understand it, the easier life becomes."
"You’re already playing life on hard mode—find what makes things easier."