Damona Hoffman, host of the podcast Dates & Mates, discusses her upcoming book 'F the Fairy Tale' and challenges dating myths. The chapter covers effective communication on social media, supporting the podcast through advertising, exploring beliefs in relationships, the evolution of dating apps, managing new relationship energy, and disclosing STI status on dating profiles.
Active listening and understanding are crucial in dating, avoiding superficial factors like emojis.
Challenge dating myths of rigid checklists, instant chemistry, soulmates, and rules.
Embrace slow love, taking time to know someone and avoiding rushing into relationships based solely on initial infatuation.
Deep dives
The Importance of Listening and Understanding in Dating
The podcast emphasizes the importance of practicing active listening and understanding in dating interactions. It encourages listeners to avoid shortcutting the process by relying on superficial factors like emojis on dating apps. The speaker highlights the value of taking the time and effort to truly get to know someone and their perspective.
Debunking Dating Myths
The podcast episode discusses four major dating myths: the list myth, the chemistry myth, the soulmate myth, and the rules myth. These myths can complicate the dating process and hinder people from finding relationship success. The speaker challenges the idea of relying on rigid checklists, chasing instant chemistry, or believing in the concept of a predestined soulmate. Instead, the emphasis is on using mindful approaches and exploring deeper connections based on shared values and goals.
The Benefits of Slow Love and Avoiding Shortcuts
The concept of slow love is introduced as a way to counter the fast-paced and superficial nature of modern dating. Slow love emphasizes taking time to get to know someone during the early stages of dating, allowing for a deeper understanding of compatibility and avoiding the pitfalls of rushing into relationships based solely on initial infatuation. The speaker encourages individuals to create space between interactions and resist the urge to compromise on important values or goals, while also acknowledging the need for mindful exploration and openness to new experiences.
The Importance of Expressing What We Want
Many people stay in relationships that are not right for them because they are afraid of being alone or fear the consequences of expressing their true desires. This fear of rejection or judgment leads to avoidance and unhealthy patterns in dating. To have our needs met, we must take risks and be willing to express what we want, whether it's non-monogamy, commitment, or something else. It's crucial to overcome the shame or vulnerability associated with our desires and communicate openly.
Understanding and Shifting Dating Samskaras
Dating samskaras are deep-rooted patterns or beliefs that shape our behavior and actions in dating. These patterns can be positive or negative, and they influence our dating experiences. By reflecting on our dating patterns and beliefs, we can identify the negative ones that no longer serve us and replace them with more positive narratives. This shift allows us to approach dating with a fresh perspective, break free from old patterns, and create more fulfilling relationships.
Today we're welcoming back Damona Hoffman, the Resident Love Expert of The Drew Barrymore Show and OkCupid's Official Dating Coach. Damona is the host of the long-running podcast Dates & Mates, which has just begun airing its 10th season. She is also an advice columnist for the LA Times and a writer on dating and relationships for the Washington Post. Damona can frequently be seen on Access Daily sharing the latest dating news. We're going to be discussing her upcoming book, F the Fairytale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story.
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Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack. Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand. Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com.
