Jennifer Hurvitz - The Unexpected Pain of Divorce (And How to Avoid it)

Aug 28, 2020

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BEFORE YOU GET DIVORCED, LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE!

Do you feel like your relationship with your partner is falling apart? Or you’re just someone who is afraid of having a failed marriage?

My guest today, Jennifer Hurvitz, has a lot to say about that topic. She is the host of the highly acclaimed Doing Divorce Right (or Avoiding It Altogether) Podcast. She's a best selling author of two books: One Happy Divorce: Hold the Bulls#!t, and Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda.: A divorce coach's guide to staying married.

She has been featured on Oprah, and Oprah touts her as an expert, recommended her books, and said it's the number five best relation book to read with your partner for a happy marriage.

All the things that we will be talking about in this episode are all based on her own experience as a divorced person and as a divorce coach.

How did Jennifer handle the divorce when she was going through it?

Jennifer wrote her first book called, “One Happy Divorce: Hold the Bulls#!t” quickly after her divorce when she was separated. She wrote it more for herself, just for her readers to tell them, “Look, this is what divorce really, really looks like through the eyes of a divorced person.”

For her, the big problem with divorces is that no one really knows what it feels like until someone goes through it. It's a lot like death. It is like a death, only the person is actually alive and you have to see them everyday, and you maybe have to co-parent with them for the rest of your life. You actually go through the stages of death, grieving, anger, and all those things, but you have to be with this person and get along with them. You’re just literally grieving the life that you thought you were going to have.

Her second book called, “Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda.: A divorce coach's guide to staying married” was written basically for everybody else. She wrote that book for everybody who needs to see what divorce looks like through the lens of a divorced person and a divorce coach.

For her, if she would have known then what she knows now, then she may not have gotten divorced. Because it really sucks and the divorce grass ain't greener.

Divorce absolutely sucks for everybody involved. Everybody, especially for the kids.

Did Jennifer regret getting a divorce?

No, she didn’t. Her divorce with her ex-husband went very well. Both of them decided to do things right and put their children first because they are their top priority.

After the divorce, they became best friends.

They may not be the best partner for each other, but they can say it without hesitation that they are the best parents to their kids.

What was the biggest mistake Jennifer ever made?

Dating too soon. She thought she’s ready and she knew everything. Little did she know, her mind wasn’t.

Jennifer’s pieces of advice for the people who do not want to end up getting a divorce:

Find out who you are as an individual.
You have to take accountability for what you did in your past relationships.
You can't always place the blame on someone else. You have to own your s#it, so that you can move forward and be a better human.
There's a reason why he/she cheated.
For the women, if you don't f*ck your husband, somebody else will.
Connect every week, same time, same day. Just like a business meeting, talk about your marriage and really figure out what's good and what's not.
Don't look for the right partner. Try to be the right partner, then if you're the right partner for someone, that's how it works.
Just let go of the small stuff.

Make sure to tune in to this episode, and I am sure that you will learn a lot from Jennifer -- a woman who has gone through hell and was able to get back on track, and is now trying to help other people who are dealing with the same circumstances she’s gone through.

Connect with Jennifer Hurvitz

Website: jenniferhurvitz.com

Instagram: instagram.com/doingdivorceright

Connect with Doug

Instagram: @dougbopst

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Website: www.dougbopst.com/gift