L'Abri Fellowship - Southborough Listen to Your Lust: Engaging Your Story to Heal from Porn Use
Mar 4, 2025
In this insightful discussion, Jeff Banks, a former Christian minister and now a therapist specializing in pornography recovery, shares his personal journey with compulsive behaviors. He argues that pornography often serves as a coping mechanism for unresolved emotional pain from childhood. Jeff emphasizes the importance of addressing attachment wounds and offers strategies for healing, including fostering community support and developing a deeper spiritual connection. His exploration of the links between parental needs, shame, and recovery provides a pathway towards lasting freedom.
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Early Secret That Shaped Fantasies
- Jeff Banks describes a childhood sleepover sexual experience that began his sexual curiosity and led to porn use.
- He links specific porn fantasies (caregiving, older partner) to emotional needs from that childhood story.
Porn As A Symptom, Not The Root
- Pornography is often a coping strategy, not the root problem, addressing childhood emotional pain.
- Understanding porn as a solution reframes treatment toward healing underlying wounds, not only behavior control.
Four Needs Become Six Essentials
- Healthy attachment means feeling seen, soothed, safe, and secure according to attachment theory.
- Adam Young's 'big six' (attunement, responsiveness, engagement, affect regulation, strength for negative emotions, repair) shape childhood secure attachment.
