82 - DADDY ISSUES - The Father Wound Pt. 2 - Female hyper-independence & overachieving
Mar 20, 2023
55:12
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In this podcast, Louise Rumball and Stephanie Therapy explore the concept of hyper-independence and its effects on relationships and career choices. They discuss the impact of childhood experiences on forming healthy relationships, as well as subconscious beliefs and schemas. The hosts also delve into the discomfort and distrust that can arise from unresolved father wounds, including topics like weak boundaries, codependency, and seeking external validation.
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Quick takeaways
Hyper-independence is a coping mechanism resulting from a father wound, where individuals struggle to ask for help and prioritize work over emotional connection.
Individuals with daddy issues may seek external validation and approval to compensate for emotional neglect, connecting their self-worth to achievements and opinions of others.
Neglect wounds from fathers can influence relationship patterns, leading to codependency, struggles with setting boundaries, and seeking partners who mirror emotional unavailability or neglect.
Deep dives
Hyper-independence as a coping mechanism
Hyper-independence is a coping mechanism that can result from a father wound. It is a way to protect oneself from potential hurt and disappointment by not relying on others. People who are hyper-independent may struggle to ask for help, feel the need to do everything themselves, and have difficulty showing vulnerability. This coping mechanism is often rooted in a lack of trust and emotional support from the male caregiver in one's life. It can manifest as a fear of being a burden, a strong need for control, and a tendency to prioritize work and achievement over emotional connection.
The desire for external validation and approval
Individuals with daddy issues and father wounds may seek external validation and approval as a way to compensate for the emotional neglect they experienced. This can manifest as seeking validation from friends, partners, or seeking success and accomplishments in order to prove their worth. Seeking validation externally can become a pattern to fill the inner void caused by a lack of emotional support from their fathers. These individuals may constantly strive for perfection and be afraid of failure, as they connect their self-worth to external achievements and opinions of others.
The impact of neglect wounds
Neglect wounds, where emotional needs were not met by the father figure, can influence one's relationship patterns. People with neglect wounds may struggle to set boundaries, have codependent tendencies, and seek extreme closeness or clinginess in relationships. They may recreate emotional experiences from childhood, seeking partners who unconsciously mirror the emotional unavailability or neglect they experienced from their fathers. Such patterns emerge because the individual's subconscious belief is that this is what love looks like, based on their early experiences.
Creating power imbalances and pedestal dynamics
Some individuals with daddy issues may unconsciously seek relationships where they are put on a pedestal or have power imbalances. This can be a way to compensate for feelings of defectiveness and low self-worth. Being in relationships where they are idealized or where they have a sense of power can temporarily boost their self-esteem. However, these dynamics can become unhealthy or even toxic. It is crucial to recognize and address these patterns in order to cultivate healthier, more balanced, and equal relationships.
Striving for reversal and validation
Individuals with daddy issues may unconsciously seek to reverse their childhood experiences by attempting to make someone fall in love with them or be dependent on them. This becomes a pursuit to prove that their fathers' emotional unavailability was not their fault and that they are worthy of love and attention. Seeking validation through making someone pursue them can reinforce a sense of worthiness, but it is essential to address the underlying wounds and develop healthier self-esteem and self-worth independent of external validation.
Ever find yourself saying “I don’t need a man” or “it’s easier if I do everything myself”? Maybe you hate relying on people, or maybe you feel uncomfortable asking for help. Maybe your career takes over your life in a cycle of never-ending overachieving, over succeeding and a need for more. Or maybe, just maybe, you are used to doing live yourself but there is something underneath it that wishes you could do it with someone else?
In part 2 of our 3 part Daddy Issues episode, Louise sits down again with Stephanie Therapy to go deeper into the Father Wound. They discuss how the Father Wound can be deeply connected to strong, hyper independent women, but those who often silently crave intimacy.
The pair discuss:
⠀ Hyper independence, overworking and overachieving as a coping mechanism
⠀ Relying on others / relying on men
⠀ The development of core beliefs in childhood
⠀ Why we date people like Mom or Dad (trauma reenactment)
And more.
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