Episode Summary 04: Reparenting Yourself: Break Your Family’s Trauma Cycle

Every parent knows that harsh inner voice that whispers "You're a terrible parent" when you lose your patience, or "You've ruined your kids forever" after a difficult moment. This episode reveals a simple "magic trick" that can instantly create space between you and those critical thoughts - and it's something anyone can learn.

Discover how one powerful phrase can transform your reactions from triggered explosions to curious responses. You'll learn where your inner critic actually comes from (hint: it's often an echo from your own childhood), and how reparenting yourself can break generational cycles of trauma.

This episode recaps the following episodes, giving you a lot of the benefit of 3 hours of content, in just 21 minutes:

• SYPM 017: Reparenting ourselves to create empathy in the world with Amy
• 178: How to heal your inner critic
• 193: You don't have to believe everything you think

Questions This Episode Will Answer

What is the inner critic and how does it affect parenting?

The inner critic is that harsh, judgmental voice that tells you you're failing as a parent. It often stems from childhood trauma and can trigger explosive reactions to normal child behavior.

Where does the inner critic come from?

Your inner critic is usually an internalized version of critical voices from your childhood - parents, teachers, or caregivers who couldn't handle your authentic self or big emotions.

How do you identify your inner critic?

Watch for thoughts using absolute language ("always," "never," "terrible"), character judgments ("I'm a bad parent"), catastrophic conclusions, and voices that sound like critical figures from your past.

What does reparenting yourself mean?

Reparenting yourself means giving yourself the patience, understanding, and compassion you didn't receive as a child - becoming the caring parent to yourself that you needed growing up.

How do you reparent yourself as a parent?

Start by questioning your thoughts instead of believing them automatically. When you notice self-critical thoughts, respond to yourself with the same gentleness you'd offer a dear friend or your own child.

How can you break the generational cycle of trauma?

Use tools like the ‘magic trick’ from this episode to create space between your triggered reactions and conscious responses, allowing you to respond from your values instead of reacting from old wounds.

What are common inner critic examples parents experience?

"Everyone thinks I'm a bad parent", "I'm raising a disrespectful child", "I've damaged my child forever", "Other parents are better than me", and "I'm just repeating my parents' mistakes".

How does childhood trauma affect parenting?

Unresolved childhood trauma can make you react disproportionately to normal child behavior, shut down emotionally when children express big emotions, or swing between being too permissive and too strict.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

The Simple ‘Magic Trick’ That Changes Everything Learn the exact phrase that instantly creates distance between you and your critical thoughts, giving you space to respond differently in challenging parenting moments.

Real Parent Examples of Transformation Hear Katie's story of how this technique helped her stop spiraling when her friend didn't call back, and Amy's powerful example of interrupting explosive anger with her children after recognizing the pattern.

How to Identify Your Inner Critic Patterns Discover the four key signs that reveal when your inner critic is driving your reactions, including the specific language patterns and emotional triggers to watch for.

The Connection Between Childhood Trauma and Parenting Understand how experiences that left you unable to express your authentic self safely create the inner critic voices that get triggered by your children's normal behavior.

A 5-Step Practice You Can Use Today Get a concrete framework for noticing stories, adding the "magic words," getting curious about other possibilities, checking your body, and practicing self-compassion.

How This Creates Space for Different Choices Learn how stepping back from your thoughts as absolute truth opens up new possibilities for responding to your child's behavior with curiosity instead of reactivity.

Breaking Generational Cycles in Your Family Discover how using this technique not only changes your parenting but teaches your children emotional intelligence and conflict resolution skills they'll carry into adulthood.

Reparenting Yourself Through Daily Interactions Understand how this simple practice becomes a form of reparenting yourself - giving yourself the patient, understanding voice you needed as a child but may not have received.

Why You’re So Angry with Your Child’s Age-Appropriate Behavior - and what to do about it (without stuffing down your feelings and pretending you aren’t angry!) masterclass is here!

Are you struggling to understand why your child’s behavior can spark so much frustration in you? You’re not alone—and we’re here to help.

Join us for a flipped classroom-style masterclass where you’ll uncover the reasons behind your triggers and learn tools to respond more calmly and intentionally to your child’s age-appropriate behavior. We’ll also have a live coaching session on September 19 at 10 am Pacific and on September 20 at 5 pm Pacific.

Click the banner to sign up now!

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5 Steps on Reparenting Yourself: A Magic Trick to Break Your Family's Trauma CycleJump to highlights

01:28 What’s packed into today’s episode

02:19 That voice in our heads that’s constantly judging us and makes parenting so much harder is called the inner critic

05:03 How can we identify this inner critic and separate it from what’s really happening? What triggers our inner critic?

06:44 You don’t have to believe everything you think

14:10 When we believe our thoughts completely, we only see one version of reality, but stepping back to recognize these as thoughts rather than facts opens up new possibilities for how we understand our children, partners, and ourselves as parents

15:32 What is reparenting?

17:31 Wrapping up