Ep 1: Are We Over-Parenting Our Kids?

63 snips

Sep 18, 2024

Guest

Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist, discusses the alarming decline in children's independence, linking it to rising mental health issues. Tim Carney, author of 'Family Unfriendly,' highlights how contemporary culture complicates parenting, emphasizing traditional values. Lenore Skenazy, a proponent of free-range parenting, advocates for unsupervised play and its benefits. Together, they explore the consequences of over-parenting, the importance of fostering autonomy, and how societal fears have shaped modern parenting, revealing that embracing independence may enhance kids' well-being.

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ANECDOTE

Emily's Childhood Freedom

Emily Oster recalls her 1980s childhood, filled with unsupervised outdoor play.
This freedom contrasts sharply with her own children's experiences today.

INSIGHT

Decline in Free Play

Children's independent play has declined since 1955, impacting mental health.
Fewer kids walk to school now (12%) compared to 1969 (47%).

INSIGHT

Intensive Parenting

Tim Carney observes a shift in parenting from a natural approach to an intensive one.
This shift correlates with increased parental anxiety over children's outcomes.

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When Emily was a kid in the 1980s in New Haven, Connecticut, she grew up on a block with a lot of other children. Every day after dinner, around 6:30, everyone emptied out of their houses and went down to the church parking lot where they engaged in all kinds of unsupervised activities—throwing balls at each other in front of the church wall, climbing up trees and sometimes falling out of them, riding Hot Wheels until people skinned their knees. There was street hockey and there were scrapes. There were a few broken arms.

That experience of playing outside unsupervised in the dark—or walking a mile home from school in kindergarten—is very different from her own children’s experiences, even though they’re growing up in a very similar environment, with very similar parents. They aren’t leaving the house every day after dinner. If Emily had suggested that they walk home from school in kindergarten, even though it’s only a couple of blocks, there’s no chance that would have been met with the school’s acceptance.

Since 1955, there has been a continuous decline in children’s opportunities to engage in free play, away from adult intervention and control. In 1969, 47 percent of kids walked or biked to school, whereas in 2009 that number had plummeted to 12 percent.

How did we get here? What are the consequences of hypervigilant parenting? On kids’ happiness? On their well-being? Their mental health? And on their ability to grow into independent, self-sufficient, and successful adults? And, maybe most importantly, how can we alter this trajectory before it’s too late?

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Resources from this episode:

Timothy Carney: Family Unfriendly: How Our Culture Made Raising Kids Much Harder Than It Needs to Be (Bookshop))
Jonathan Haidt: The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (Bookshop)
Lenore Skenazy: Free-Range Kids: How Parents and Teachers Can Let Go and Let Grow (Bookshop)
Let Grow
Free Range Kids
Jonathan Haidt in The FP https://www.thefp.com/t/jonathan-haidt