The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 221: A Brain-Based Way to Understand Baffling Behavior

May 13, 2025

Dive into the fascinating world of children's behavior through the lens of the nervous system! Discover what the 'owl,' 'watchdog,' and 'possum' brains mean for your child's actions. Learn how to recognize which brain state is at play, and understand why calming these protective responses is essential. Instead of fixing behavior, the focus is on providing connection and safety. With practical insights and strategies, this discussion offers parents valuable tools to nurture their child's growth and emotional well-being.

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INSIGHT

Nervous System Drives Behavior

Behavior emerges from the autonomic nervous system with a lag between impulse and visible action.
Understanding this process improves responses to baffling behavior beyond just reacting to acts.

INSIGHT

Neutral Behavior Reflects Internal State

Behavior is neutral and reflects internal states rather than just external actions.
Connection is biologically essential, and behaviors reveal a child's felt safety and nervous system state.

ADVICE

Pause and Provide Connection

When challenging behaviors push away connection, pause and reflect on the child's nervous system needs.
Seek to provide regulation, connection, and felt safety rather than immediate behavior correction.

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Could you use a short refresher about what I mean when I say your child’s "owl brain flew away"? Or do yoRu know someone who is willing to listen to a short explanation of how you’re approaching your child’s baffling behaviors?

In this episode, I revisit - briefly- what behavior really is and the owl, watchdog, and possum brain metaphor. I explain why it's such a helpful way to understand your child's baffling behaviors. I also talk about what actually helps those protective brains calm down so the owl can return.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

What the owl, watchdog, and possum brains really represent in your child’s behavior.
How to recognize which brain state is in charge.
Why our goal isn’t to fix the behavior but to offer regulation, connection, and safety.

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/brainbasedunderstanding

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"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family."

You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book

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Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

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Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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