The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

EP 234: Polyvagal Theory, Hope, Dysregulation, and Repair

Aug 19, 2025

Explore the fascinating insights of polyvagal theory and how it reshapes our understanding of dysregulation. Rather than a problem, dysregulation is part of being human, with the real challenge being the lack of repair. Discover the power of offering repair, even when it's not welcomed, and how it can shift both your child's nervous system and your own. Learn the difference between regulation and calmness, and the importance of safety when dealing with dysregulated behaviors. Embrace the hope that comes with acknowledging small shifts and the gradual journey toward healing.

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INSIGHT

Dysregulation Is Not The Core Problem

Dysregulation is a natural part of being human and not inherently bad.
The real problem is dysregulation that goes without repair, which undermines relationships and nervous systems.

ADVICE

Redefine What 'Regulated' Means

Define regulation as capacity to stay mindful and present, not just calmness.
Focus on shifting between regulation and dysregulation with relative ease rather than being regulated all the time.

INSIGHT

Behaviors, Not States, Often Cause Crises

Behaviors that arise from dysregulation cause most practical problems for families.
Distinguishing dysregulation from problematic behaviors can be regulating and guide what to do next.

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What if dysregulation isn’t the problem?

I know I know- that’s really hard to wrap our brain around! At least, it was for me.

In this episode, I continue the conversation from last week’s interview with Deb Dana and take a deeper dive into one of her most powerful insights: that dysregulation is simply part of being human—and it’s the absence of repair that becomes the real challenge.

But I think for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors, we need to pause and explore that a little more. Because- in your home- dysregulation is a real problem!!!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why dysregulation is a natural part of being human, and how polyvagal theory reframes it with compassion and hope
The difference between dysregulation itself and the behaviors that can emerge from it
How offering repair—even when it isn’t received—can create powerful shifts in your child’s nervous system and in your own

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/polyvagalhope

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